a funny conversation

yesterday, my man and i went to the cinema. whilst in the lobby, the following discussion took place:

Manfriend: Oh, you look really beautiful 2nite
me: thank-you
Manfriend: Your clothes and hair really suit you.
me: awww, thank-you.
Manfriend: you look so nice in the jewellery i gave you.
me: oh thank-you.

Manfriend: Pica, stop saying thank-you.
me: why? you payed me a compliment, so i said thank-you.
Manfriend: yes, but you say thank-you like its the first time we have ever met!
me: really?
Manfriend: yes, try this (reaches out and shakes my hand)Why, hello Nurse Pica, glad to make your accquaintance! my, thats a lovely watch you're wearing!
me: (still shaking hands) why thank-you....oh my god, you are absolutely right!
Manfriend: told you so.
me: i must change it (thinks a bit) ok, i have an alternative to "oh thank-you". now think of another compliment to give me...
Manfriend: ok...nice coat!
me: thats not a compliment to me, YOU bought me this coat!
Manfriend: heheh, I know, but i can't just think of compliments on demand, it has to come naturally.

(silence)

Manfriend: You have a very pretty face...

*MY BIG MOMENT*

me: why, i most certainly appreciate that.

*PAUSE*


Manfriend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

oh well. at least i tried.

weirdest. job. ever.

Its all over

Thank goodness christmas is over and order has been restored in my household. things usually get crazy around here, but never quite as overwhelming as christmas.

yesterday i went to watch the lion, the witch and the wardrobe. it was fabulous, i remembered the novel bit by bit and it was such a nostalgic walk down memory lane. and ofcourse i started to think of the hospital because there are many parallelisms.

in both narnia and hospital, great things can happen, horrible things can happen and its all really a question of courage and persistance. Going into hospital at 7am almost every morning is like entering a different world, where you need to forget your regular life and deal with the matters at hand. and at 7pm, when you walk back into the real world, you realise that nothing really has changed, life went on as it always did.

i have decided that i will begin my studying and coursework after new years day. let all the hulabaloo pass, and let my parents get back to work so i can do things quietly. after new years day, the word fun will vanish from my vocabulary because i have to prepare for finals. and then i qualify and enter the working world! how wonderful!

or is it?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Its 10am, i walked in from a party at 3am so I am a little dazed. I had fun though.

mela, mela, mela...presents!! i received:

a beautiful short double breasted green coat from my man
a flower pendant from my man's parents
fuzzy blue slippers from my sis
bright blue suede boots and nursing shoes from my mum
a funky pair of trousers from my bro
a lovely black evening dress from my dad.

very nice indeed. at the moment there is a tremendous amount of tension in the house. I get the feeling my mum is frightened of my nanna, which makes me a little sad because after all, my gran is a pathetic and senile old woman and my mum is formidable and tireless and has more energy than...well, myself!

and depicted in this post are the fabulous blue boots my mum got me, currently on my feet and in the background are my sisters fuzzy blue slippers.

in about 2 hrs my gran and grampa will come. i hope they will behave themselves. I'm not too fond of my gran...she is shit scared of Nero, so i think i'll get him to sit on her lap.

On my playlist i have peter,paul and mary's ''puff the magic dragon'' and its very soothing. I wouldn't mind being in the land of Honah Lee right now. I bet they don't celebrate christmas.

well, i have to go to my gran's house now to collect my loot...i mean presents...i hope they give me cash because i don't think i will be able to pay my computer loan this month and i don't want to ask my dad for money and even less my mum. then the golden oldies come to my house to criticize our "feng shwei" or however its spelt, rearrange our furniture, open our cupboards to see what we own and complain about my dad's cooking, which by the way will be superb, better than a restauraunt.

so if my gran causes this much tension, why do we invite them over? well, because they are family and we must cherish them while they are still alive....

and the fact that they have oodles of cash is not a hindering factor either.

well everybody, merry christmas and have a good one. love one another.

I hate christmas in my house.

so, my mother is acting like a psychopathic freak because on xmas day my gran is coming for lunch, ie her mother in law. therefore she brings everyone down and nags,nags,NAGS until you want to scream "SHUT UP BITCH! YOU ARE GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE! SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!"

At the moment I am in a Wizard of Oz phase, i watched the original 2 days ago (and loved it loads as an adult) and today i tried to watch return to oz, the disney sequel based on Baum's Ozma of Oz. Well, it was fabulous when i was finally able to watch it, which was at 3 in the afternoon because my mum wouldnt shut up. i waited until she was having an afternoon nap. every time i tried to press play to continue watching this morning, she would come into the living room and squawk about...well, basically nothing at all, just to hear the sound of her own voice i guess. it irritated me so much. nothing irritates me more than when people talk while i am trying to watch tv or some dvd...haqalla, go in another room, selfish bitch! if i am watching a movie, i dont like to be disturbed, the sky could be falling, the apocalypse could be near, just let me watch my fucking movie!

she was bugging us so much, that my bro, dad and myself ran out of the house, hardly telling her good-bye. this was 11.30. we came back at 3.45, she was asleep so she couldn't irritate us. this is becoming insane. Actually, that ship has sailed....this IS insane!

well, on a funnier note, ysterday i had to take care of an indian patient and he was the sweetest, most quiet guy i ever met. while taking him for an ultrasound, i accidentally crashed into the wall and when i apologised he said "Oh, don't worry, little nursie! I know you didnt do it on purpose!" however, that was only mistake number one. instead of his temperature being 100.4 i read it as 104. that was mistake number 2, and i apologised and he was very good natured about it. then i went to set up his IV drip. He said:

"Oki, little nursie, u make mistake with temperature, and thats fine. you crash into wall with me, and that's fine too. just don't make mistakes with my veins!"

"dont worry hon, i wont, i wont."

lol. i love my work.

oh, and...

a bit of honesty...i was really sorry to see no feed back on the cockroach story...i really enjoyed writing it, i hoped someone out there enjoyed reading it.

a normal day

today was very normal. i dont come across them much nowadays.

so i guess a normal day is quite abnormal to me...ho ho ho! went christmas shopping with my brother because he is quite rubbish at buying presents and i managed to find some decent stuff. we saw a friend who we haven't seen in quite a while and he has changed, but seems happier so thats great.

had a sort of fight/argument with my man but now everything is ok...i mean, why should we fight? christmas is a time for peace and love.

my back is hurting me so much. i can't carry anything, everything is too heavy. i couldnt even do a whole hour at the gym yesterday. it aches in that hard-to-reach-place in between my shoulders. one of the reasons why i started going to a gym in the first place was to strengthen my body for carrying patients. i hope its working.

well, i am off to watch scrubs. gn!

How cool is that!

how cool! i did a rock chick quiz and im the beautiful and talented PJ Harvey. yeah, i rule!

roach

As I was brushing my teeth before going out, I saw this awful brown thing lurking about my mouth. At first I ignored it, but before I knew it, I saw two pointy things wiggling about. I screamed and spat it out on the bathroom counter. I screamed again when I realised it was a great big, auburn, crunchy cockroach.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! EEEEEEK!"

"Do stop screaming, you're giving me a headache!" exclaimed the roach.

My fear changed to curiousity. "You can talk?"

"Well, you yap so much it isn't much of a wonder that I managed to pick up a few things, apart from the bacteria residing in your molars." replied the cockroach.

Oh Lord. Someone must have spiked my tooth paste. I checked the tube. It was brand new. I looked back at the counter and the cockroach was still there, pacing up and down.

"Look, bastard, what were you doing in my mouth? I clearly DON'T remember swallowing you!"
"Ah, no you don't...you were only a wee child when you picked me up in your little sticky fingers and placed me in your mouth. No teeth had you, therefore I was not chewed to my death!"
"However did you manage to keep yourself a secret?" I asked in disbelief.
"Ah, not only am I eloquent, but I am also a keen player of your human game hide and seek!" he replied.

"You suck!"
"Well, technically speaking I regurgitate on my food and then absorb it" said the revolting roach, "and now, if you please I would rather like to go back to my comfy place behind your left carnassal."
"You most certainly won't! Be gone, swine!"
"Insect, not swine, totally different animal classification."

What an impetuous jerk of a creature. "You see," said the roach, "I will get back into your mouth. I control you. I play mind games of the worst kind. I am your greatest phobia. Why don't you ever go get a glass of water from the kitchen at night, even if you are dying of thirst? Why do you prefer to buy a new bottle of fairy liquid rather than pick up the one in the cupboard under the stove? Why do you always wear boots when visiting the streets of your capital city at night and avoid it in summer when you wear sandals? BECAUSE OF ME! ME!ME! ME!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He was right. He was absolutely right. He had absolute power over my mental state. I had no choice but to open my mouth.

Then I remembered something.

SQUISH!

I was bigger than him. Much bigger. I wiped my boot, put on my coat and walked out the door.

saturday night

well, its saturday night and i'm still indoors deciding what i'm going to do with myself. i remember my sixth form days when i really, really used to look forward to the weekend, i would plan what to wear by wednesday or buy something new with the pennies i had. hair was blow-dried, make-up was worn. we'd be off to Paceville, the land of booze and cock and fun, fun, fun. Paceville was like a stage with a different performance each week and it was imperative to keep up to date with it all.

now its different. i couldn't care less that its saturday night. its just like any other night really...the only real advantage is that i dont have to wake up the next day for clinical practice because i am still a student and i don't work sundays. when i qualify i wont even have that.

is it because i am growing old and maturing? lately i have realised that the way i think has really changed and i don't know whether to blame or attribute adulthood. i am constantly being told i am so young, yet i honestly don't feel that way. i think about housing, mortgages, do i want kids, if so how many and how many will i afford, being a mother, if my butt is getting too big, how much weight will i gain when i get pregnant, will i make a good nurse, what if i get sued for malpractice...the list really doesn't end. now, don't regular 21 yr olds think about when they are next gonna get drunk, which celebrity has the nicest ass and how they are going to change the world by sitting on comfy sofa's and applauding Bono as he shakes hands with the pope on MTV?

i dont know. it all just isn't for me anymore. i'm preoccupied with other stuff. not necessarily more important stuff...just more relevant. does that make me boring kid or a responsible adult? and which of those would i rather be?

the truth is i'd rather be neither...but whatever i am, i can safely say i'm pretty happy as a person.

(and once again the eternal optimist ends on a pleasant note!)

ungrateful asshole

yesterday i was in charge of conducting a transfer, because a patient had to move from his current ward (the one im working in) to a surgical ward. this involves getting the patient to pack up his stuff, taking him to his new ward and giving the nurses there some info about him. but ofcourse since i had to carry out this operation, it wasn't that simple.

in order to pack his things, this guy placed all his belongings on the bed first. i swear, he had enough stuff to start a small quarter master store. fruit, games, cards, clothes, shaving items, toileteries, juices in cartons, chocolate, biscuits...you name it, he had it. One of the diploma students looked at his bed and started singing under his breath "Lira biss, lira biss, kollox lira biss" Victor proceeded to put each item in an individual plastic bag, which ofcourse is unpractical as it is difficult to carry 101 things at once. therefore i made a suggestion. i picked up a large garbage bag and i said:

"Well, Victor, how about putting all your stuff in here so we can carry everything to your new ward?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU STUPID NURSE! IDIOT! NO, BITCH!"

such rudeness still does not fail to take me aback.

"Listen Victor, you can't talk to me like that. Show some class!" (you ignorant bastard)

"OH GO TO HELL! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! I SAY WHAT I LIKE! YOU COW!"

i got MAD.

"OK, FINE! I DON'T HAVE TO HELP YOU! IT ISNT EVEN MY JOB! I KNOW HOW TO BE AS UNPLEASANT AS YOU IF I WANT TO BE AND IF PROVOKED! IM NOT YOUR SLAVE! AND I WONT BE GOING TO HELL, YOU WILL!" and i walked out.

Arse-smear. I sure showed him.

reach for the sun

i really like the polyphonic spree, they make me feel so happy and good to be alive and all that kind of mushy stuff. today my day was really rather stressful, so i guess ill reach for the sun cuz 2moro is another day after all

Light And day
Is more than you'll say
Cause allMy feelings
Are more
Than I can let by
Or not
More than you've got
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN
(1:17) (orchestral pandemonium)
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're done
Just follow the seasons, and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're done
Just follow the seasons, and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!

these guys were chosen by david bowie to front the divine comedy (my fave band) and the music is so uplifting and really apt for an eternal optimist like me.

yesterday i watched sex and the city and it really touched me. there was a bit where carrie and charlotte went to a self-help seminar and carrie really stuck up for charlotte when the leader of the seminar dismissed her problems to a lack of trying. through carrie's, well, caring, charlotte found her eternal optimism once again. which sex in the city character are you? i think i am a blend of charlotte and carrie...

i guess my optimism comes from the fact that my school life was so awful and every night i would tell myself oh well, tomorrow's another day and this is a time that will pass. and it did. and i said that things will definitely get better. and they did. so i do try to be optimistic because even when things are really, really bad, there is always a small fraction of light. all it takes is a little persistance and the ultimate conviction that all the answers are within reach.

good night everyone and much love.

we three queens of orient are...

and so this is christmas...

well, today im on holiday so im enjoying staying home and not having to go to work, even though the weather is quite depressing...it hasnt stopped raining all day and in malta, if it rains, the whole country stops functioning and proceeds to flood and unless you own a landrover you are basically stuck. mais qu'est-ce qu'on faire?

lately i have been feeling a little fed up because i just want this course to finish, i want my degree and i want to start working and start concentrating on my life. i know that must sound a little odd, but at the moment my thoughts are swamped with academia and there are other things i need to think about and want to think about but there is just no room for in my brain. im almost 22 and i feel like i want to start my career as a nurse and even though there are only a few months left, i am slowly but surely running out of patience. i am exhausted almost all the time and everyone i encounter seems to want something from me...my patients, my age-ing parents, my younger sister, my tutors at school, my colleagues and my friends. its always more of this, less of that, get it done on time, if you don't you're done for, your a BSc student so we expect alot of you....

The problem is i feel like i have run dry and i have given all i have to give and now people are just taking and leaving me in the red. i just feeling like screaming out "STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!" and taking a deep breath or two. i feel like a big pressure cooker and i need to let out my steam. God that sounds sexual.

On a more positive note, my clinical practice is going great, every day i feel more and more prepared for this final exam. my thesis is going along fine though it is a bit of a headache and things between me and my man are good too. i feel like we have reached a sort of comfort zone, where we can appreciate each other's silences and basically bask in them. we have come to accept each other's differences and realise that these are the things that brought us together in the first place. if we were exactly the same, we would never progress in life. i will not call him my better half, i believe 1 and 1 make 2. however i do believe that two minds are better than one and by exposing each other to different schools of thought we benefit as 2 people and as 2 lovers. and right now i am more in love than ever.

i think i'll leave it at that for today. but a few words before i depart:

1)those of you who comment on my blog, i thank you all with all my heart and graces (even you who choose to remain annonymous and write lude and sick things). i like to see my writing appreciated. i wish that you would all, however, tell me who you are and how you know me and how you got to hear about my blog.

2)its the holiday season, a very stressful time of the year, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. just make an effort to love one another and to keep a well-wishing attitude.

Good tidings i bring to you and your kin, i wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year.

the necessary christmas post

wow, haven't posted in ages! well, the xmas season is here, so i guess it is only right to post last year's xmas edition of nurselife, since i have not written one this year...this year i will write a new year's day edition...provided i am not too hung over. enjoy everybody!

The Christmas episode

Like every great series to exist, in order to make it complete, there needs to exist the Christmas episode…Charles Dickens had A Christmas Carol, JK Rowling never fails to mention Christmas in her precious Harry Potter stories, I bet even Enid Blyton's Famous Five would have a Christmas episode if only all their adventures wouldn't conveniently crop up during the summer months when these remarkable children do not have to go to school. The point is, Christmas is here, its in our face and even though I dislike the season, Nurse life is not going to escape from it.

So far, I have never actually had to work on Christmas day since I am still a student so I really do not know what goes on there on that day. And to be entirely honest, I'm not exactly itching to find out. Yet Christmas is really all about the season rather than just the day.

In the old age home I am placed in at the moment, in my particular ward they put up decorations. It's a nice gesture, but since most of the patients are blind or getting there, it is really quite a futile effort. I remember stumbling upon Liliana, who is 95, engaging in quite a heated argument with a nasty plastic Santa Claus.

"Hello. How are you? You are new, right?" Liliana said to Mr Plastic Santa.
Strangely enough, Mr Plastic Santa did not answer.
"Hello? Do you need to turn on your hearing aid? Hello! How rude! You snob! You are supposed to make friends over here!" and Liliana promptly started beating Santa with her walking stick.

I was standing at the desk, watching with mild amusement. At the moment I am studying abuse and the elderly and I was a little worried that my paper was out of point because I wrote about abuse towards the elderly…I didn't mention a thing about abuse of the elderly towards life-size plastic figurines. In any case, I had to intervene because Santa's head obtained a dent so large that one can eat soup out of it.

"Liliana, lets go watch some TV, how does that sound? There's your favourite cooking show on…"
"Yes thank-you. Some of the residents here are very rude!"
"You're absolutely right, it's a pity we all aren't civilized like you."

I walked her to her favourite chair and turned on the TV to her favourite cooking show, not that it made a difference because in this home she is able to cook just about as much as she is able to see, but anyway it made her happy because she slipped a cuboidal object into my pocket. I thought great, chocolate. I went to the treatment room to see what goodie I got only to realize it was a box of hemorrhoid cream.

Of course, being a student nurse does not only entail practice but lectures as well and trust me; the university campus was exploding with Christmas spirit. As soon as I approached the steps leading to the quadrangle I was deafened with the sound of Christmas carols: "Feeeeed the Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllld! DO THEY KNOW ITS CHRISTMAS TIME AT ALLLLLLLLLL!?"

Do they know I have a headache? SHUT UP!! Before I stuff those speakers so far up your arse that you will require a crane to remove them. Then a member of the student council came up to me wearing an idiotic Christmas hat shaking a can in my face asking if I will give a donation. I said no. Usually I would but that day I had a migraine and I just wanted to get to my lecture and scram. He kept pestering me.

"Oh come on, don't you have a heart?"
"Yes, I happen to possess one of those things…mine is made of the finest stone this side of the island."
"Oh come on, don't be a scrooge!"

I got mad.

"Listen asshole, I work very, very hard for my money and I really do not get much of it. Are you dumb or something? Asking broke students to just give away the little cash that they have? What kind of a moron are you? And while we are on the subject, exactly how much did YOU donate? Why not return those stupid speakers and use the money to FEEEEED the WORRRRRLD?"

He did not know what to say. So he scurried off in the opposite direction. I felt so good. Served the bastard right.

Unfortunately, Christmas is also a family affair so I have to visit my nearest and dearest whether I like it or not. One would think that on this holy day I would be excused of the company of the elderly but no, my grandparents will be there, pinching my cheeks and telling me how much I have grown. Now this is an impossibility because I am 20 and I have stopped growing at least 2 years ago, but anyway.

For some reason, at the dinner table I am always seated opposite my grandmother, with my mother on my left and my five-year-old cousin to my right. In other words, I have my grandmother spewing both food and stupidities in one direction, my mother complaining about how she would much rather be at home in the other and my cousin conducting an experiment on exactly how many stuffed olives will fit in my non-existent cleavage. The fun never stops.

Well, Christmas is five days away and I wonder what this year will bring. My mother has problems with her gall bladder, so her diet is very restricted and that means Christmas dinner is going to be torture because how can I eat turkey and cake while she stares down at a plate of marrows? At least I have all my presents bought and wrapped and under the tree, which this year is very tiny and bauble-less because last year my cat tried to make din-din out of the ornaments.


It makes me sad to think that Christmas is made such an ordeal of. Do we honestly really have nothing to look forward to anymore? To make a whole season out of just one day? To spend so much money and practically change our lives for about a month just for this one blessed day which is over and done with in 24 hours? It is so funny, because at Christmas time it is when most people argue and fight and feel financial tension. It really doesn't make any sense. Christmas, New years and Valentines Day…also known as the misery trimester. Yet by moping about it, one gets nothing so like most things in life, one just has to take the bull by the horns and make the best of it.

And with that, dear readers, I will leave you the Christmas episode of nurse life. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!