My first 24hrs

On tuesday I officially started my career as a state registered nurse, which is amazing. However, it was not uneventful. You see, us "resit students" are employed as relievers, that is, every morning we collect in front of the senior nursing officer's door and she sends us to different wards which either have very little staff or else too many patients. This arrangement is ok with me for now...the way I reason things out is that if I can make a difference in just one person's life, its all worth the while. Yeah, I am pretty romantic when it comes to nursing.

Yet, there was nothing romantic about the two 12 hour shifts I pulled this week. The first shift involved getting sent to a paediatric ward, which I thought was fabulous since I love kids. As soon as I set foot in the place I am assigned to a "constant watch case", a little kid who decided to try and drink himself to death. I had to spend 12hrs with this kid. From 7am until 10am, the kid slept...who could blame him, he drank 2 bottles of red wine. At first we simply stared at each other, I with curiosity, he with fear and loathing. Then I thought I was going to go mad if I just sit in this recliner and stare all day so I made an effort to bond with this kid...we played hang-man for an hour. Yeah sounds lame, but hey I had very limited resources. At a point he wrote the following _ _ _ _ . I guessed the last three letters I-N-E but I simply couldn't get the first one. Then he told me it was W. Then I asked him "Sweetheart, why did you do what you did?" At first he was silent. Then he poured it all out. We dialogued and I acted as a counsellor. And all the while we played different games which consistantly brought us closer. After a while, a bunch of other kids seemed to be intrigued and joined us in the games...one was a little boy, progessively losing his sight and the other a little girl with such terrible asthma that if she laughs she may have a cardiac arrest. I learnt that nursing incorporates so many facets of life. And to be a good nurse, one needs to have a certain personality. It really isn't about how much you know, but really about who you are.

The next shift involved being sent to a very crowded medical ward, and it was pretty much the usual deal, a bunch of very old people, washings, shit, piss and vomit. It was a pretty smooth day. Until 6.30pm when a relative tugs at my sleeve and tells me to look at her 90yr old father. He was turning white and gasping for air. I thought "Oh my God, please don't tell me this is happening." I couldn't see any of the more experienced nurses anywhere. In four years of nursing school, I never once came across a CPR case...and ofcourse it had to happen on my second day of being qualified and I had to step up to the case, I had no excuse now, I wasn't a student any longer, there was nowhere to hide. I called out "Someone, call CPR!" and I began compressions while another newly qualified nurse began respirations with an ambu-bag. I had to show a brave face, but my heart was pounding and I had my jaw clenched so tightly that when I relaxed, my face hurt. The CPR team came promptly and took over. I stepped aside with other other newly qualified nurse and we just watched together. We lost him. And in our hearts we both really knew that this wasn't a game anymore. This was the real deal. We are responsible for people's lives now. It was something we always knew...but only at that moment did it really materialise. This is the proverbial "it". But its great and its what I want. I want "it".

The next day I was off. However, that morning my back was in agony...I got out of bed like a 70yr old would. In the evening my fiance came over and we were lying down on my bed and I couldn't get up. And when I finally did, I felt this searing pain through my back, like someone hit me with a crow-bar and I screamed out in pain. I couldn't move and my fiance rushed me off to casualty. I was having so many muscular spasms that the doctor found it difficult to examine me and I needed a shot of muscle relaxant just to stay still on the x-ray machine. So today, my third day on the job, I am on sick-leave. The doctor told me in a joking way "The next time a CPR comes your way, let him die." And ofcourse I knew there was no way I could ever do that.

In the car back home, I wondered if its all worth it in the end...nursing I mean. Then I thought, if one really wants something, if its worth having, its going to take hard work. Nothing in this world is worth having if it comes easy.