roach

As I was brushing my teeth before going out, I saw this awful brown thing lurking about my mouth. At first I ignored it, but before I knew it, I saw two pointy things wiggling about. I screamed and spat it out on the bathroom counter. I screamed again when I realised it was a great big, auburn, crunchy cockroach.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! EEEEEEK!"

"Do stop screaming, you're giving me a headache!" exclaimed the roach.

My fear changed to curiousity. "You can talk?"

"Well, you yap so much it isn't much of a wonder that I managed to pick up a few things, apart from the bacteria residing in your molars." replied the cockroach.

Oh Lord. Someone must have spiked my tooth paste. I checked the tube. It was brand new. I looked back at the counter and the cockroach was still there, pacing up and down.

"Look, bastard, what were you doing in my mouth? I clearly DON'T remember swallowing you!"
"Ah, no you don't...you were only a wee child when you picked me up in your little sticky fingers and placed me in your mouth. No teeth had you, therefore I was not chewed to my death!"
"However did you manage to keep yourself a secret?" I asked in disbelief.
"Ah, not only am I eloquent, but I am also a keen player of your human game hide and seek!" he replied.

"You suck!"
"Well, technically speaking I regurgitate on my food and then absorb it" said the revolting roach, "and now, if you please I would rather like to go back to my comfy place behind your left carnassal."
"You most certainly won't! Be gone, swine!"
"Insect, not swine, totally different animal classification."

What an impetuous jerk of a creature. "You see," said the roach, "I will get back into your mouth. I control you. I play mind games of the worst kind. I am your greatest phobia. Why don't you ever go get a glass of water from the kitchen at night, even if you are dying of thirst? Why do you prefer to buy a new bottle of fairy liquid rather than pick up the one in the cupboard under the stove? Why do you always wear boots when visiting the streets of your capital city at night and avoid it in summer when you wear sandals? BECAUSE OF ME! ME!ME! ME!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He was right. He was absolutely right. He had absolute power over my mental state. I had no choice but to open my mouth.

Then I remembered something.

SQUISH!

I was bigger than him. Much bigger. I wiped my boot, put on my coat and walked out the door.