saturday night

well, its saturday night and i'm still indoors deciding what i'm going to do with myself. i remember my sixth form days when i really, really used to look forward to the weekend, i would plan what to wear by wednesday or buy something new with the pennies i had. hair was blow-dried, make-up was worn. we'd be off to Paceville, the land of booze and cock and fun, fun, fun. Paceville was like a stage with a different performance each week and it was imperative to keep up to date with it all.

now its different. i couldn't care less that its saturday night. its just like any other night really...the only real advantage is that i dont have to wake up the next day for clinical practice because i am still a student and i don't work sundays. when i qualify i wont even have that.

is it because i am growing old and maturing? lately i have realised that the way i think has really changed and i don't know whether to blame or attribute adulthood. i am constantly being told i am so young, yet i honestly don't feel that way. i think about housing, mortgages, do i want kids, if so how many and how many will i afford, being a mother, if my butt is getting too big, how much weight will i gain when i get pregnant, will i make a good nurse, what if i get sued for malpractice...the list really doesn't end. now, don't regular 21 yr olds think about when they are next gonna get drunk, which celebrity has the nicest ass and how they are going to change the world by sitting on comfy sofa's and applauding Bono as he shakes hands with the pope on MTV?

i dont know. it all just isn't for me anymore. i'm preoccupied with other stuff. not necessarily more important stuff...just more relevant. does that make me boring kid or a responsible adult? and which of those would i rather be?

the truth is i'd rather be neither...but whatever i am, i can safely say i'm pretty happy as a person.

(and once again the eternal optimist ends on a pleasant note!)