the necessary christmas post

wow, haven't posted in ages! well, the xmas season is here, so i guess it is only right to post last year's xmas edition of nurselife, since i have not written one this year...this year i will write a new year's day edition...provided i am not too hung over. enjoy everybody!

The Christmas episode

Like every great series to exist, in order to make it complete, there needs to exist the Christmas episode…Charles Dickens had A Christmas Carol, JK Rowling never fails to mention Christmas in her precious Harry Potter stories, I bet even Enid Blyton's Famous Five would have a Christmas episode if only all their adventures wouldn't conveniently crop up during the summer months when these remarkable children do not have to go to school. The point is, Christmas is here, its in our face and even though I dislike the season, Nurse life is not going to escape from it.

So far, I have never actually had to work on Christmas day since I am still a student so I really do not know what goes on there on that day. And to be entirely honest, I'm not exactly itching to find out. Yet Christmas is really all about the season rather than just the day.

In the old age home I am placed in at the moment, in my particular ward they put up decorations. It's a nice gesture, but since most of the patients are blind or getting there, it is really quite a futile effort. I remember stumbling upon Liliana, who is 95, engaging in quite a heated argument with a nasty plastic Santa Claus.

"Hello. How are you? You are new, right?" Liliana said to Mr Plastic Santa.
Strangely enough, Mr Plastic Santa did not answer.
"Hello? Do you need to turn on your hearing aid? Hello! How rude! You snob! You are supposed to make friends over here!" and Liliana promptly started beating Santa with her walking stick.

I was standing at the desk, watching with mild amusement. At the moment I am studying abuse and the elderly and I was a little worried that my paper was out of point because I wrote about abuse towards the elderly…I didn't mention a thing about abuse of the elderly towards life-size plastic figurines. In any case, I had to intervene because Santa's head obtained a dent so large that one can eat soup out of it.

"Liliana, lets go watch some TV, how does that sound? There's your favourite cooking show on…"
"Yes thank-you. Some of the residents here are very rude!"
"You're absolutely right, it's a pity we all aren't civilized like you."

I walked her to her favourite chair and turned on the TV to her favourite cooking show, not that it made a difference because in this home she is able to cook just about as much as she is able to see, but anyway it made her happy because she slipped a cuboidal object into my pocket. I thought great, chocolate. I went to the treatment room to see what goodie I got only to realize it was a box of hemorrhoid cream.

Of course, being a student nurse does not only entail practice but lectures as well and trust me; the university campus was exploding with Christmas spirit. As soon as I approached the steps leading to the quadrangle I was deafened with the sound of Christmas carols: "Feeeeed the Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllld! DO THEY KNOW ITS CHRISTMAS TIME AT ALLLLLLLLLL!?"

Do they know I have a headache? SHUT UP!! Before I stuff those speakers so far up your arse that you will require a crane to remove them. Then a member of the student council came up to me wearing an idiotic Christmas hat shaking a can in my face asking if I will give a donation. I said no. Usually I would but that day I had a migraine and I just wanted to get to my lecture and scram. He kept pestering me.

"Oh come on, don't you have a heart?"
"Yes, I happen to possess one of those things…mine is made of the finest stone this side of the island."
"Oh come on, don't be a scrooge!"

I got mad.

"Listen asshole, I work very, very hard for my money and I really do not get much of it. Are you dumb or something? Asking broke students to just give away the little cash that they have? What kind of a moron are you? And while we are on the subject, exactly how much did YOU donate? Why not return those stupid speakers and use the money to FEEEEED the WORRRRRLD?"

He did not know what to say. So he scurried off in the opposite direction. I felt so good. Served the bastard right.

Unfortunately, Christmas is also a family affair so I have to visit my nearest and dearest whether I like it or not. One would think that on this holy day I would be excused of the company of the elderly but no, my grandparents will be there, pinching my cheeks and telling me how much I have grown. Now this is an impossibility because I am 20 and I have stopped growing at least 2 years ago, but anyway.

For some reason, at the dinner table I am always seated opposite my grandmother, with my mother on my left and my five-year-old cousin to my right. In other words, I have my grandmother spewing both food and stupidities in one direction, my mother complaining about how she would much rather be at home in the other and my cousin conducting an experiment on exactly how many stuffed olives will fit in my non-existent cleavage. The fun never stops.

Well, Christmas is five days away and I wonder what this year will bring. My mother has problems with her gall bladder, so her diet is very restricted and that means Christmas dinner is going to be torture because how can I eat turkey and cake while she stares down at a plate of marrows? At least I have all my presents bought and wrapped and under the tree, which this year is very tiny and bauble-less because last year my cat tried to make din-din out of the ornaments.


It makes me sad to think that Christmas is made such an ordeal of. Do we honestly really have nothing to look forward to anymore? To make a whole season out of just one day? To spend so much money and practically change our lives for about a month just for this one blessed day which is over and done with in 24 hours? It is so funny, because at Christmas time it is when most people argue and fight and feel financial tension. It really doesn't make any sense. Christmas, New years and Valentines Day…also known as the misery trimester. Yet by moping about it, one gets nothing so like most things in life, one just has to take the bull by the horns and make the best of it.

And with that, dear readers, I will leave you the Christmas episode of nurse life. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!