I have become a casualty of casualty

Well, well, well, never a dull moment in nurse Pica's life, certainly not at the moment now that I have started my placement in the accident and emergency department. You see all sorts, people with heart attacks, blood clots, deadly skin diseases and renal colic. Then you get those who are actually sick. Yes, because the previous are all mostly psychosomatic. The incidents I am about to describe all happened throughout the numerous 12 hour shifts I put into that place.

Incident 1- The 1yr old leper
A mother comes to the desk, her face stricken with panic.
"My daughter has leprosy!"
"Ok, don't worry we'll see to her right away" said the qualified nurse.
"Goo!" said the baby.

I darted a look at this child's arm and it really was a sight to see. It had this crackling epidermis and bits flaking off and it smelt foul. I put her in cubicle 1. I let the doctor in and hung around for the verdict.

Doctor: "so, when did this happen?"
Mother: "Just after dinner...it simply appeared! Its terrible, but she's being such a brave little soldier!"

That was an understatement. The kid kept reaching out to grab my student's badge and smiling everytime I tried to yank it away.

Doctor: "Ok, first we'll rinse it with a little saline. Nurse, please?"

I put on gloves, bring out the sterile swabs, wet them with sterile saline solution and begin to wash the wound gingerly. Strangely enough, the disease was diminishing until all I was left with was healthy pink skin.

Me: "Erm, doctor, the oddest thing has happened..."

The doctor looked at the arm. He then grabbed the swab and smelt it. We looked at each other and then it hit us like a ton of bricks.

Doctor: "What did she eat for dinner?"
Mother: "Oh, she has no food allergies! She was eating oatmeal, making a right mess of herself, had to clean her up before bringing her here."
Doctor: "Well, I think you may have possibly missed a spot." He showed her the swab.
The mother turned pink, picked up her kid, thanked us and left.
Baby: "Goo! Nyah!"

The doctor shook his head. I laughed.

Incident 2- The chaffing testicle
It was the busiest night shift ever. The ambulances were coming and going, cardiac arrests, car accidents, heart attacks, the works.
By 3am, we were finally quiet, the nurses and doctors sat down to rest a little. It had been a long night. Then this dude arrives, stinking of vodka, barefoot and BO that could be smelt in Canada.

Me: May I help you?
Stinky dude: Ehe.
Me: Ok...so tell me.
Stinky dude: Ghax imxawwat.
I toss him an incredulous look and call the qualified nurse.

Nurse: X'ghandek hi?
Stinky: Ghax imxawwat.
Nurse: Ok...imma stajt tmur il-polyclinic ghal xi haga hekk, lanqas haqq gejt hawn.
Stinky: Imxawwat mal-bajd! Homor daqs il-kunserva tat-three hills!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

The nurse gives me a look that said "you'll get yours" and took Stinky to a cubicle, muttering something about hating his life.

Incident 3- out of breath
We get an ambulance call because a guy is out of breath, with severe asthma, all the way in Mellieha. Immediately we start thinking about cardiac arrests and heart attacks, bracing ourselves for the worst.

After half an hour, we get radioed in that the ambulance had arrived and he are all stationed at the desk, ready for the attack.

The patient was wheeled in moaning on a stretcher and writhing around and he looked in a terrible state. He was placed in a cubicle and the doctor ran to his aid.

Then in came the nurse, covered head to toe in vomit.

"WELL?" we all exclaimed in expectance.

"Pfft, asthma...VODKA!" the nurse spat.

Tomorrow another fun filled day at the accident and emergency department. I wonder what will be in store for me...

sometimes

sometimes its hard.
sometimes i try.
sometimes i think.
sometimes i cry.

sometimes its too much.
sometimes its too few.
sometimes all that i need is the air that i breathe.
And to love you.

sometimes i think.
sometimes i play.
sometimes i read.
sometimes i pray.

sometimes i eat.
sometimes i drink.
sometimes im purple.
sometimes im pink.

sometimes i cross.
sometimes i criss.
and sometimes i even write stupid poems like this.

good night.

A very vulgar joke!

I recall my first time with a condom....I was 16 or so. I went in tobuy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind thecounter and, she could see that I was new at it.She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.I honestly answered, "No."So she unwrapped the package, took one out, and slipped over herthumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. Iapparently still looked confused so, she looked all around the store.It was empty. She said, "Just a minute, " and walked to the door andlocked it.Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse,and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. She asked,"Do these excite you?"Well, I was SO dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping iton, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties, and laid down on adesk."Well, come on, " she said, "we don't have much time."So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I couldno longer hold back and..........POW, I was done within a few minutes.She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" Isaid, "I sure did, " and held up my thumb to show her.

Its been a bad day...

Because of some fuck up on my school's behalf, i had to work in an elderly home once again. i was thrown into the pribate home next door to where i live which i thought would be great, but in reality it was horrible.

First of all, I was sent from where the home was situated to the nearest polyclinic to get an x-ray for a patient:

Nurse: take this patient to the health centre, please.
me: sure, will the van be waiting outside?
Nurse: no, you'll go on foot with a wheel chair.
me: ha ha ha, thats a good one, ha ha...(nurse looks dead serious)...u arent joking, are you?
Nurse shakes head and hands me the X-ray form.

Needless to say, Maltese roads are not made for faulty wheelchairs and this wheel chair rolled all over the god damn place. it took all my might to control it. when i arrive at the health centre, the lift was not working. i had no choice but to leave my patient downstairs on her own, while i ran up to sort things out. i ended up going back to the old age home, x-rayless and boiling in the 12o'clock heat.

when i got back, i was dying to go home and have a shower, since i live right next door, i would definitely come back on time when my break would be over. so this is what happened when i asked permission.
(btw, a stupid move on my behalf was asking the matron when the owner of the place was about. but i cant be blamed, i didnt know.)

me: do you mind if i go home for break?
owner: NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! RUNNING ABOUT OUTSIDE WITH YOUR UNIFORM!
me: i live exactly next door.
owner: IF YOU COME HERE, YOU FOLLOW MY RULES! YOU DO NOT LEAVE IN YOUR UNIFORM!

but it was ok to go on a twenty-minute walk with a half-dead lady in a wheelchair on a bumpy road in my uniform...oh, and i should mention there was the "monti" going on at that point.

i dont think i can tolerate this anymore, these rules which are only set for those in power's convenience.

i swear, if i had a pistol, it would be them or me...and i wouldn't know which to point the barrel at.