ok...

I did a test to see which Care Bear I am....

WRONG! SO INCREDIBLY WRONG!

sigh.

centre of man

i call this one centre of man since sometimes man thinks he is the centre of all things, however he is so easily overwhelmed by what is bigger than him.

in the evening...

all in all i have had a pretty good day regarding my thesis. my literature review will be done tomorrow and on wednesday i will give it to my tutor who will probably end up rewriting it for me but oh well if it means a good grade so be it i guess.

Gray's Anatomy starts in 10 minutes...damn i have become such an addict to hospital dramas! i love them, they entice me, they show how the medical world has very little to do with medicine!

went for a walk with my beloved. we discussed our mutual dislike for superficial people. we discussed being christ-like and we discussed Jesus' humanity and divinity...but it was nothing like some religion lesson. it was real.

today i was reading my brother's blog...its so much more entertaining than mine. i guess his life is funnier.

anyway, im off to make some tea.

catholic guilt and fear of God brought to new level

Little David, who was Jewish, was failing maths. His parents tried everything. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, and nothing helped. As a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic school. "Those nuns are tough" they said. David was soon enrolled at St. Mary's. After school on the very first day David ran through the door and straight to his room, without even kissing his mother hello. He started studying furiously, books and papers spread out all over his room. Right after dinner he ran upstairs without mentioning TV, and hit the books harder than before. His parents were amazed. This behavior continued for weeks, until report card day arrived. David quietly laid the envelope on the table, and went to his room. With great trepidation, his mother opened the report. David had gotten an A in math! She ran up to his room, threw her arms around him and asked, "David honey, how did this happen? Was it the nuns? "No!", said David. "On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!"

Worry Wart

i worry way too much. i did fine in my assignment, got a B actually but every time a result comes out i start to do myself in with this ever-pending sense of doom. i know its absolutely ridiculous but still i always expect myself to fail...and im one of the top 10 in the course. but this sense of self-doubt always looms over me and i can't understand why.

whenever i sense something about myself, i always try to trace it back to childhood but i cant really say i was never really discouraged as a child...most of the time i was ignored but in a good sense, because i was known to be trusted and independent.

i guess it has to do with the fact that in first yr i almost had to repeat the yr because in my practical i forgot to shake down the mercury of my thermometre. i ended up doing a very nervous resit and i passed that through the skin of my teeth. i guess then the grave realisation hit me...yes, i CAN actually fail due to something beyond my control, there is the possibility that i won't obtain my degree over something minimal. whereas before i never had a doubt regarding my academic ability now i really do because i have come to realise that obtaining the grade has little to do with academia...at the end of the day it boils down to luck and how you present yourself and the examiner's character.

now im entering my final year and i really should get over something that happened four years ago. i must think only in the present. the past is...well...past. i got through it and this is the final stage...im here, like everyone else. nothing else matters.

i know all this. so why am i still so very afraid?

You're my shining light

Because he is the shining light to this girl from mars

Ash - Shining Light
Roman candles that burn in the night,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
You lit a torch in the infinite,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
Yeah,
you light up my life.
You have always been a thorn in their side,
But to me you're a shining light.
You arrive and the night is alive,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
Yeah,
you light up my life.
We made a connection,
A full on chemical reaction,
Brought by dark divine intervention,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
A constellation once seen,
Over Royal David's city,
An epiphany you burn so pretty,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
You are a force
You are a constant source,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
Incandescent in the darkest night,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
My mortal blood I would sacrifice,
For you are a shining light.
Sovereign bride of the infinite,
Yeah,
you are a shining light,
Yeah,
you light up my life.
We made a connection,
A full on chemical reaction,
Brought by dark divine intervention,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
A constellation once seen,
Over Royal David's city,
An epiphany you burn so pretty,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
These are the days you often say
There's nothing that we cannot do,
Beneath a canopy of stars
I'd shed blood for you.
The north star in the firmament,
You shine the most bright.
I've seen you draped in an electric veil
Shrouded in celestial light.
We made a connection,
A full on chemical reaction,
Brought by dark divine intervention,
Yeah,
you are a shining light.
A constellation once seen,
Over Royal David's city,
An epiphany you burn so pretty,
Yeah,
you are a shining light,
Yeah,
you light up my life.
Yeah you are a shining light
Yeah you light up my life

waiting for paint to dry...

i was cruising my brain and i tried to come up with an interesting concept to paint. its going along great, i love using oils, the colour is so bright but they have only one downside...they take days to dry so i take 2 weeks to finish a painting. if i ever become famous for my art, i will not become big headed or pretentious or claim to wish to get consumption because that's the artists' disease. i'll simply be happy that someone else appreciates how i see the world.

i had a sex dream about one of my best friends...he also happens to be one of my boyfriend's best friends. i woke up in shock because i know i'd never want to do anything like that with that particular person. it was all so explicit and unsubtle. even the actual sex was nothing like me.

one of my results came out today but i didnt go up to school to check it out since i was told only a few hours ago about it. when i asked around if i passed or not, nobody could tell me, they all said they didnt know. that scares me because nobody wants to b the bearer of bad news. sigh so i have to wait until 2moro. i really hope i passed, i have too much on my plate at the moment to be able to write out an assignment.

its funny really...i spend most of my life waiting.

Excuses, excuses

i found these 20 excuses not to go to work...they r the most common excuses used in america, apparentally:

I was sprayed by a skunk.


I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.


My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.


I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.


I forgot to come back to work after lunch.


I couldn't find my shoes.


I hurt myself bowling.


I was spit on by a venomous snake.


I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.


A hitman was looking for me.


My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.


I eloped.


My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.


My cat unplugged my alarm clock.


I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.


I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India.


I forgot what day of the week it was.


Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.


A tree fell on my car.


My monkey died.

roll to me

im sitting on my bed, listening to del amitri, the song is roll to me if y'all want to download it. for some reason my sister says this song reminds her of me.

personally, it makes me think of new times ahead. my relationship with my bf has reached a new level, my old sixth form hang-out is closing down, im entering my final year of university and life as i know it is basically changing completely. but its all good for me. im excited.

im making an effort to live life day by day, facing the challenges each day has to offer.

today i had a driving lesson. it was cool, i felt relaxed so i drove great. soon the test. woo hoo! the above car is the one im kinda in love with...a pink beetle? tacky? yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! since i was little i have always been fascinated by pink cars...for some reason, pink is an unusual colour for a car...unless you're barbie ofcourse.

for some reason, i have become addicted medical teledramas...my mum tells me "You get a break from hospital, so you watch it on tv!" well, other people's hospital life is so much more interesting and fun. especially Scrubs...if you any of you who follow my blog out there happen to be nurses try to watch the 10th episode of the first series because it is one of the better episodes as it really focuses on nurse-doctor relationships.

well, 2nite there's Grey's Anatomy on Living at 11pm and me and my sis are sure not to miss it...heheheh im such a nerd. but a happy nerd :)

I'm sorry, so sorry.

"They"

Who made up all the rules

We follow them like fools

Believe them to be true

Don't care to think them through

And I'm sorry

so sorry

I'm sorry it's like this

I'm sorry

so sorry

I'm sorry we do this

And it's ironic too

Coz what we tend to do

Is act on what they say

And then it is that way

And I'm sorry

so sorry

I'm sorry it's like this

I'm sorry

so sorry

I'm sorry we do this

Who are they

And where are they

And how can they possibly

Know all this?

Who are they

And where are they

And how can they possibly

Know all this

Do you see

what I see

Why do we live like this

Is it because it's true

That ignorance is bliss

Who are they

And where are they

And how do they

Know all this

And I'm sorry

so sorry

I'm sorry it's like this

Do you see

what I see

Why do we live like this

Is it because it's true

That ignorance is bliss

And who are they

And where are they

And how can they

Know all this

And I'm sorry

so sorry

I'm sorry we do this.

(by Jem)

machines and such crap

2 days ago i went entirely nuts. i totally lost it and got into a hysterical frenzy. i am usually a very composed individual, i get angry in a cool, calm and sophisticated manner and i dont let things really bother me because i am forever certain that i'll find a way out of any problem.

however, 2 days ago it was different.

i was typing a 4000 wrd assignment, a case study about heart surgery with alot of complications and unexplained blood results and i was sweating bullets just to write a paragraph. to make matters worse it was for the next day. after 3000 wrds i said i'll take a break and go for lunch. so i saved and closed all my windows and turned off my computer and left for the dining room.

when i came back, i turned on the computer, tried to access my text documents and for some reason, they wouldnt open. my whole word program was corrupted and i had lost everything.

and when i say i lost everything, i mean everything in all senses. i went crazy. composure went out the window. i let out a primal scream that could have made a banshee jealous. every curse word i knew fell from my lips. the poor teddy bear sitting on my bed got lynched and thrown against the wall. my anger made me so strong and violent i kind of felt like the incredible hulk, except smaller and not quite so green...but that was altered too, because all of a sudden i began to feel sick. there was this tightening in my stomach and i ran to the toilet and lost my lunch. my heart started to beat faster than ever and i slumped into a corner and watched in vain as my sister and father tried to recover the lost files and the past 5 days of non-stop research on heart surgery.

and i couldnt help but think, look at the amount of stress this put me through. is having a good career really worth all this struggle and all this crap?

the next day, i started from scratch and finished, only to find out that the deadline was moved to another week.

i think im about to do myself in.