What's new pussy cat?

I have not written in simply ages because I have been monstrously busy with my thesis. I was leading the pack and now I'm at the bottom of the barrel, but I'm creeping up...just one chapter left!!

Well, since I always cover my distress with humour, and since I am a little pressed for time, I will share something funny about my patients.

Would you believe none of them refer to their private parts as a penis or vagina? They have all sorts of names. Since I am doing the data analysis for my thesis, I have decided to group them and list them:

Female:

1. Il-figorin
2. L-anglu
3. Il-paccoccu
4. Il-pastizz
5. Il-farfett
6. Il-pussikat
7. Il-parti

Male:

1. Il-kukku
2. Il-pitiross
3. Gismi
4. L-ghasfur
5. Ir-re
6. Il-king
7. Il-firrillu
8. Il-parti

So, blog fans, I hope this will suffice until I'm a little less busy! Much love one and all!

WATCH YOUR BACK!

And I mean this literally. All nurses out there, take good care of your back!

This week, I got out of bed with this tremendous pain in my lower back. I said I'd be a hero and go to school anyway...as the day went on, the pain got worse and worse. I couldn't walk, only hobble like an old lady! I actually started going dizzy with pain, which was odd because I have an extremely high tolerance to pain. I couldn't even joke with my friends, I felt so out of it.

I thought that was that. I went home and to the doctor. He said I have nerve damage from all the lifting that goes on in hospital. I had to stay home for three days and rest.

Now I am a little better. But a warning to all nurses and students: don't try to be superman or wonderwoman! If the patient is big and heavy, don't even attempt to bathe them or lift them on your own...hell, even if the patient is underweight, don't strain to take care of her/him. Call for help or else end up like me...hobbling, requiring help to sit down and stand up and not even able to pick up my cat!

Much love everybody and most of all TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELVES!

cake made of pooh!

its my bday on sunday and my bf's on thursday, so i made us a cake depicting winnie the pooh!
woo hoo!

new ward, same shit

I am now in the ward in which I shall remain until july when i shall do my final practical and begin my life as a staff nurse. However I will cut the crap and get down to the incidents of today.

1. the "I want tea" incident

There is an old lady who used to work as a fish seller in my ward. Today she started screaming "I WANT TEA! GIVE ME TEA!" right in the middle of when we were bathing patients. I shout out "Didn't the nursing aide give you any?" and she says that when he came around she said she didn't want any. However 10 minutes later she wants some. I yell out "My hands are full, but in a minute."

So ofcourse, exactly one minute passes and she's screaming for tea. I still did not have the time to drop everything and make tea as I was bathing the woman opposite her (who was an incident in her own right) and she gave me a headache. When I finished I went next to her and decided to carry out some patient education...about when she can have tea and how to get it.

Me: "hi Cindy. Why did you refuse the tea from the nursing aide today?"
Cindy: "Because I did not feel like it at that moment."
Me: "Ah, yes, but ten minutes later you did..."
Cindy: "thats right."
Me: "Well, tomorrow when the nursing aide asks if you want tea, you must say 'YES! YES! GIVE ME TEA, GOD BLESS YOUR GOOD HEART! TEA FOR ME! WOO HOO!' " while saying this I was lifting my hands in the air and shaking my fists.
I could hear my friends laughing behind the curtains.

When I begin to lose my patience, I cover up with humour. My friend made her tea and all was well.

2. the "freshly washed stink" incident

My friend and I had to wash a dependent patient. She was bed ridden. She was demented and kept screaming "I'm going to fall in the well! I'm going to fall in the well". I tried to explain that she was in hospital and there were no wells but it was useless. Oh, and she stank. And I mean STANK. It was so bad I began to retch and gag.

So I grabbed her liquid soap and squished out half of it onto her face cloth and proceeded to scrub.

And she STILL stank.

I filled her with sweet smelling powder.

And she STILL stank.

I thought that is it. I can't spend the whole morning trying to get rid of her body odour. She didn't have sores, her skin was intact and everything. I guess she was simply destined to stink.

Me: Well, bye then Angela, if you need anything just tell us.
Angela: I'm gonna fall in the well, I'm gonna fall in the well!
Me: No your not. Bye bye!

3. the "where the hell is her urethra" incident

I decided to go ahead with inserting a catheter on another dependent patient because hers was past the sell by date. So my friends and I got everything ready, closed the curtains, I put on the sterile gloves and set to work.

For those of you not in the know, a catheter is a tube one sticks into the urethra (the pee-pee hole) until it reaches the bladder and then one inflates a little balloon with 15cc water so that it stays there. It is a painless procedure for women and a topical anaesthetic is usually used. For men it hurts, even if the anaesthetic is used.

The patient found it difficult to open her legs because she was so stiff, so I had to work blindly. Needless to say I did not manage to carry out this procedure and the nurse did it for me after 3 tries.

Yet what was really disturbing about this episode was that a male student was observing and he kept giving me pointers, like "The urethra is right under the clitoris" or "I think you have inserted the tubing into the vaginal cavity" or "If you separate the labia majora you'll have a better chance of insertion." It was a little freaky.

So here I am until July, embracing just what is a surgical ward. Its all good.

an awful nightmare

last night I dreamed about my final practical. Now, our final practical is the vision of hell on earth. It runs from 7am until noon, in which you take on 4 patients, one dependent, 2 semi-dependent and one independent. The objective of the exam is to take care of all 4 patients including bathing, wound cleaning, IV care, catheter care, lifting and handling, giving out their pills of which you have to know all possible side effects and how to treat such side effects. One also has to know the whole patients past medical history and social history, like how many kids the patient has and if they are married. In the case of a surgical ward, one must also be sure of discharge planning. Nursing reports must also be written. In record time. So unless one is really, really, prepared, there is plenty of room where to fail.

So yesterday I woke up in a cold sweat because I had a nightmare. In the nightmare it was 6.55am and I had not prepared one iota. I knew nothing about my patients. I was trying to get everything together in the last minute and then I saw the examiners around the corner and I knew it was too late and I had thrown 4yrs of nursing school down the toilet because I was going to fail.

I think the stress is getting to me...