new ward, same shit

I am now in the ward in which I shall remain until july when i shall do my final practical and begin my life as a staff nurse. However I will cut the crap and get down to the incidents of today.

1. the "I want tea" incident

There is an old lady who used to work as a fish seller in my ward. Today she started screaming "I WANT TEA! GIVE ME TEA!" right in the middle of when we were bathing patients. I shout out "Didn't the nursing aide give you any?" and she says that when he came around she said she didn't want any. However 10 minutes later she wants some. I yell out "My hands are full, but in a minute."

So ofcourse, exactly one minute passes and she's screaming for tea. I still did not have the time to drop everything and make tea as I was bathing the woman opposite her (who was an incident in her own right) and she gave me a headache. When I finished I went next to her and decided to carry out some patient education...about when she can have tea and how to get it.

Me: "hi Cindy. Why did you refuse the tea from the nursing aide today?"
Cindy: "Because I did not feel like it at that moment."
Me: "Ah, yes, but ten minutes later you did..."
Cindy: "thats right."
Me: "Well, tomorrow when the nursing aide asks if you want tea, you must say 'YES! YES! GIVE ME TEA, GOD BLESS YOUR GOOD HEART! TEA FOR ME! WOO HOO!' " while saying this I was lifting my hands in the air and shaking my fists.
I could hear my friends laughing behind the curtains.

When I begin to lose my patience, I cover up with humour. My friend made her tea and all was well.

2. the "freshly washed stink" incident

My friend and I had to wash a dependent patient. She was bed ridden. She was demented and kept screaming "I'm going to fall in the well! I'm going to fall in the well". I tried to explain that she was in hospital and there were no wells but it was useless. Oh, and she stank. And I mean STANK. It was so bad I began to retch and gag.

So I grabbed her liquid soap and squished out half of it onto her face cloth and proceeded to scrub.

And she STILL stank.

I filled her with sweet smelling powder.

And she STILL stank.

I thought that is it. I can't spend the whole morning trying to get rid of her body odour. She didn't have sores, her skin was intact and everything. I guess she was simply destined to stink.

Me: Well, bye then Angela, if you need anything just tell us.
Angela: I'm gonna fall in the well, I'm gonna fall in the well!
Me: No your not. Bye bye!

3. the "where the hell is her urethra" incident

I decided to go ahead with inserting a catheter on another dependent patient because hers was past the sell by date. So my friends and I got everything ready, closed the curtains, I put on the sterile gloves and set to work.

For those of you not in the know, a catheter is a tube one sticks into the urethra (the pee-pee hole) until it reaches the bladder and then one inflates a little balloon with 15cc water so that it stays there. It is a painless procedure for women and a topical anaesthetic is usually used. For men it hurts, even if the anaesthetic is used.

The patient found it difficult to open her legs because she was so stiff, so I had to work blindly. Needless to say I did not manage to carry out this procedure and the nurse did it for me after 3 tries.

Yet what was really disturbing about this episode was that a male student was observing and he kept giving me pointers, like "The urethra is right under the clitoris" or "I think you have inserted the tubing into the vaginal cavity" or "If you separate the labia majora you'll have a better chance of insertion." It was a little freaky.

So here I am until July, embracing just what is a surgical ward. Its all good.