I have become a casualty of casualty

Well, well, well, never a dull moment in nurse Pica's life, certainly not at the moment now that I have started my placement in the accident and emergency department. You see all sorts, people with heart attacks, blood clots, deadly skin diseases and renal colic. Then you get those who are actually sick. Yes, because the previous are all mostly psychosomatic. The incidents I am about to describe all happened throughout the numerous 12 hour shifts I put into that place.

Incident 1- The 1yr old leper
A mother comes to the desk, her face stricken with panic.
"My daughter has leprosy!"
"Ok, don't worry we'll see to her right away" said the qualified nurse.
"Goo!" said the baby.

I darted a look at this child's arm and it really was a sight to see. It had this crackling epidermis and bits flaking off and it smelt foul. I put her in cubicle 1. I let the doctor in and hung around for the verdict.

Doctor: "so, when did this happen?"
Mother: "Just after dinner...it simply appeared! Its terrible, but she's being such a brave little soldier!"

That was an understatement. The kid kept reaching out to grab my student's badge and smiling everytime I tried to yank it away.

Doctor: "Ok, first we'll rinse it with a little saline. Nurse, please?"

I put on gloves, bring out the sterile swabs, wet them with sterile saline solution and begin to wash the wound gingerly. Strangely enough, the disease was diminishing until all I was left with was healthy pink skin.

Me: "Erm, doctor, the oddest thing has happened..."

The doctor looked at the arm. He then grabbed the swab and smelt it. We looked at each other and then it hit us like a ton of bricks.

Doctor: "What did she eat for dinner?"
Mother: "Oh, she has no food allergies! She was eating oatmeal, making a right mess of herself, had to clean her up before bringing her here."
Doctor: "Well, I think you may have possibly missed a spot." He showed her the swab.
The mother turned pink, picked up her kid, thanked us and left.
Baby: "Goo! Nyah!"

The doctor shook his head. I laughed.

Incident 2- The chaffing testicle
It was the busiest night shift ever. The ambulances were coming and going, cardiac arrests, car accidents, heart attacks, the works.
By 3am, we were finally quiet, the nurses and doctors sat down to rest a little. It had been a long night. Then this dude arrives, stinking of vodka, barefoot and BO that could be smelt in Canada.

Me: May I help you?
Stinky dude: Ehe.
Me: Ok...so tell me.
Stinky dude: Ghax imxawwat.
I toss him an incredulous look and call the qualified nurse.

Nurse: X'ghandek hi?
Stinky: Ghax imxawwat.
Nurse: Ok...imma stajt tmur il-polyclinic ghal xi haga hekk, lanqas haqq gejt hawn.
Stinky: Imxawwat mal-bajd! Homor daqs il-kunserva tat-three hills!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

The nurse gives me a look that said "you'll get yours" and took Stinky to a cubicle, muttering something about hating his life.

Incident 3- out of breath
We get an ambulance call because a guy is out of breath, with severe asthma, all the way in Mellieha. Immediately we start thinking about cardiac arrests and heart attacks, bracing ourselves for the worst.

After half an hour, we get radioed in that the ambulance had arrived and he are all stationed at the desk, ready for the attack.

The patient was wheeled in moaning on a stretcher and writhing around and he looked in a terrible state. He was placed in a cubicle and the doctor ran to his aid.

Then in came the nurse, covered head to toe in vomit.

"WELL?" we all exclaimed in expectance.

"Pfft, asthma...VODKA!" the nurse spat.

Tomorrow another fun filled day at the accident and emergency department. I wonder what will be in store for me...