Begin at the beginning

This is it...what I have been striving for. The past four years, of sweating blood have culminated into something. I will start work as a staff nurse on tuesday. Only God knows where. I just hope its somewhere I can cope and prosper. I am still a little scared...I am very impatient with myself. I always want to do everything correctly and I am very hard on myself. I hope I can live up to my own expectations.

This being my last free week-end before entering the working world, I have decided to live it up and enjoy. So my soon-to-be husband and I went to eat some indian food. In the middle of our meal, this guy comes in asking for a take-away. He was well-groomed, polite and decent. After making his order, he sat on a couch and brought out his mobile phone and said, "Hi Candy, its me. Tonight make sure you do not wear a thong or a g-string, only hot-pants...yes, focus on the lap-dancing because without it we've got nothing...keep the patrons happy and focus on conversation, ok?...no, I won't be paying you, but whatever you make you can keep...ok sweet? ciao."

Isn't it weird when these creatures of the underworld come up to the surface? When people indulge in these kinds of services I guess we don't really think of the intricate workings to make it a success and the degree of professionalism involved. And I mention this incident in light of the fact that lately the police made rounds of the gentlemen's clubs around here and arrested a bunch of girls who were simply trying to make a living. It made me angry because these girls are not hurting anyone, they aren't taking anything away from anyone...they aren't criminals. And if anyone brings up the issues of white slavery, I assure you that those unfortunate girls will not be working in gentlemen's clubs, they will be made to be hardcore prostitutes and have any money they make taken from them in a heart beat.

I just think it would be better if the police would do something about the amount of theft that occurs in teen hot-spots and and harrassment that now comes part and parcel with a night out.

Oh and if anyone chooses to indulge in a night of female entertainment, please give the girls some money because it may be all they earn that night.

We all have to make a living in the way we know best.

Betrothal

Yep, that is right, it has happened to me...I got engaged and I will be married next year. I remember a friend of mine once said with a chuckle, "Pica, there is no goddamn way you will ever get married. Nobody in his right mind will marry you." Well then, I guess my fiance is one insane sonofabitch! And I am the one laughing now.

The funny thing is, I'm getting married and all of a sudden, EVERYONE has an opinion about it. The colour of my dress, the shape, the style, whether I should try to lose some weight, whether I look great as I am, what flavour the cake should be blah blah blah blah. Then again, a wedding is something one holds for the general public...my dad calls weddings "Let's all feed the nation" ceremonies...and when one does anything in the public eye, one has to be expectant of criticism and opinions.

The thing people don't seem to be understanding is that the day itself is of no real importance to me...its all about what happens after...living with my man, sharing a life and making our hopes and dreams come about together. The day is just one day. Its the rest of my life that I care about. I'm more than certain its going to be a happy life.

I officially graduate on December 5th and I can't wait. It is by far the most important day of my life. All odds were pretty much against me. It will take all my physical strength not to grab the certificate and scream "FUCK YOU!" to a couple of people in the audience while giving them the finger. Then again, what could possibly happen if I really did it? I bet I'd get my picture in the paper...the story line would read "Insolent graduate shows faculty what she's made of " or "Nothing like university education" Yes, yes. I'd go down in history. Everyone would say "there was this one girl who flashed the bird at her lecturers" and I'd proudly think, yeah, that was me. But of course I will do no such thing...not the proper decorum for an educated soon-to-be wife.

Yeah right. Pfffffft.

I'm petrified

Very soon we are going to be called to start working. And I am so scared. There are still some things I don't know how to do. And I'm scared of being a burden on everyone else.

So yeah, I'm scared. I am really, really scared.

If anyone out there who reads this blog can empathise in any way, it would mean so much to me because I'm feeling really pathetic.