With a side of diarrhoea...

Oh my God, was I mad today!

Since the diploma final years need an extra student during their final practical, I was at work, helping my final year get ready (his exam is 2moro, btw so keep him in your prayers). Since I'm a final year BSc student, my student got lucky because usually first years are allocated for this job, and since there weren't enough diploma first years to go around, I am filing in along with some other BSc final year students...and trust me, no sane 4th year wants to teach some new and pimply adolescent junior nurse from scratch so getting a fourth year is like a sweet dessert at the end of a raw deal.

So I was in the nursing officer's office getting things ready when someone calls me to change a nappy...no problemo, I think. That is until I meet Ralph.

Ralph is scottish and he has a laugh like Muttley, a sort of irritating hissssssss. He has only one leg because the other was amputated a year ago. He needs to get to dialysis and he wanted a clean nappy before he went. Fair enough. However he did not warn me that he had explosive diarrhoea and as soon as I took it off, he farted and a shot of diarrhoea landed at my hip and slithered down to my white trousers. And when I say "shot" I don't mean a miniscule pellet, I mean a large bomb of liquidy, foul-smelling, crud. However, do you know why I got so mad? Because not only did he soil freshly bleached white trousers, but he couldn't stop laughing about it!

HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL? HOW DARE HE LET OUT HIS EXPLOSIVE DIARRHOEA ON MY UNIFORM! WHAT DID HE EAT FOR SUPPER YESTERDAY, A HAND GRENADE? fILLED WITH BEANS PERHAPS? LORD, I KNOW SHIT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE ROSES, BUT NEITHER DOES IT SMELL LIKE DEATH!! AND HE'D BETTER STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE I'LL SHOVE MY FOOT SO HARD UP HIS CRUDDY ASS THAT HE WILL GET IMPALED!!

But ofcourse I didn't say this. I politely excused myself, scrubbed the hell out of my trousers with alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, soap and water (while they were still on me), took the patient to dialysis and put on a pair of jeans when I got back.

Jesus it made me angry. It felt good to write about it though.