nurse life

it has been an incredibly long time

2007-10-03T16:53:00.000+02:00

I haven't written in ten months and it is pretty safe to say that it is simply because I have been super busy for exactly ten months. I am still busy, but I realised that I have to make an effort to never neglect the things I enjoy doing. however a ton of things have happened:

1. My grandfather died- he had cancer. I actually sat in on his surgery and saw the tumour. It was the size of a golf ball. From that moment I knew he didn't have a chance. He went quite peacefully. Ofcourse my grandma is now a royal pain and I already couldn't stand her and now I stand her even less.

2. I'm getting married- Im getting married in November, the preparations are practically finished and Im happy to have them out of the way. Preparing for a wedding is a right hassle, there is no fun in it. When I went to the caterer it was hilarious, they actually show u every food item you are ordering on the computer as a slideshow. for example: "and so you ordered cheese puffs..."
me: Yes.
"Well these are them..." turning computer screen towards me.
me: Yes. Good.
I mean what am I supposed to say? Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Cheeeeeeeeeeese puffs. Heavenly. Amazing.

However I can write an entire blog on getting married so I'll stop at the cheese puffs of awe and wonder.

3. I still work at endoscopy and i pretty much fit in now. Ofcourse it doesn't mean that my colleagues don't make fun of me, they do, a lot, but we make fun of everyone, so i guess its ok. We will be moving to the new hospital on Nov.5th...i wonder whats in store for me there.

ofcourse loads of hilarious things have happened and not so hilarious things have happened. And even though i have been absent for a little while, life still went on. And thats the funny thing about nurse life...come rain or shine, day or night, life as a nurse goes on. There are never any regularly stipulated holidays...some nurse somewhere will always be nursing.

everlasting wisdom

2007-01-31T21:11:00.000+01:00

At endoscopy, before we can let a patient have a procedure done to him or her we need to carry out a checklist and a sort of interview. A particular patient decided to discuss just how open minded she is...

Me: Hi Mrs. Jones, I have to ask you a few questions before we can proceed.

Mrs Jones: Why, you're an American!

Me: No, no I'm not, I was born in Canada of Maltese parents.

Mrs Jones: You are foreign!

Me: Well, people generally do notice as soon as I speak, so no news there.

Mrs Jones: there is nothing wrong with being foreign and having an accent...I'm not racist...

Me: Good to hear it, Mrs Jones

Mrs Jones: .....after all, its not like you're black...

Me: erm...ah...well...how about putting on a gown and going to room 4, eh?

(yeah, shove your racist ass into room four why don't you?) Jesus. Racists who aren't racists. Its absurd. They don't even realise they are being racist. I will never forget when a friend of mine once said after someone made a lewd comment towards an african american "but...its not their fault they are black!" Sweet Jesus. Good Lord. Being black is now a fault.

Everybody, read the book "The Colour Purple". Please.

i WILL stuff a probe up your ass

2007-01-11T19:56:00.000+01:00

My days as a reliever are over. They were an eventful and necessary time of my life, gave me plenty of experience, not to mention those days earned me my first pay cheque as a qualified nurse.

We got to choose our placement according to age, which is quite pissing off, rather than order of merit, probably because my nursing school was too lazy to place an average for the hospital to go by, but anyway. By the time my turn came to choose, the only paediatric placement was filled up and the only choice I had was a bunch of medical wards or else endoscopy. So I chose endoscopy and I don't regret it for one minute. It does take some getting used to however but I'm sure in time I will be a pro.

Endoscopy, for those not in the know, basically involves suffing a camera up someone's anus (bum hole), urethra (pee-pee hole), oesophagus (the food hole from the mouth) and trachea (breathing hole).

its good. I'm happy so far.

Wherever you find love, it feels like christmas

2006-12-20T11:27:00.001+01:00

Christmas time is here again...yet its very difficult to enjoy it when you work 12hr shifts...you kind of miss the muss and the fuss. But in its own way, its cool. We decorated the wards and amidst the piss, shit and vomit, there is some atmosphere.

So I spend my days running from ward to ward, helping where I can. Oh, MaltaGirl! I met your boyfriend...he's a funny guy...he made the time go by quickly with his craziness!

And that is what is great about being a reliever...you get to meet alot of cool people. However, there is a great downside to being a reliever...along with the cool people you also meet the assholes, staff who fight with each other and expect you to mediate and staff who will treat you like a slave. But oh well.

All in all, things are pretty much status quo at the moment. No news is good news I guess. My love to everyone and have a merry christmas, and ofcourse, be nice to each other.

much love, nurse pica.

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

2006-12-10T10:52:00.000+01:00

I almost didn't make it.
But then I did.

Yeay me!

My first 24hrs

2006-12-01T13:23:00.000+01:00

On tuesday I officially started my career as a state registered nurse, which is amazing. However, it was not uneventful. You see, us "resit students" are employed as relievers, that is, every morning we collect in front of the senior nursing officer's door and she sends us to different wards which either have very little staff or else too many patients. This arrangement is ok with me for now...the way I reason things out is that if I can make a difference in just one person's life, its all worth the while. Yeah, I am pretty romantic when it comes to nursing.

Yet, there was nothing romantic about the two 12 hour shifts I pulled this week. The first shift involved getting sent to a paediatric ward, which I thought was fabulous since I love kids. As soon as I set foot in the place I am assigned to a "constant watch case", a little kid who decided to try and drink himself to death. I had to spend 12hrs with this kid. From 7am until 10am, the kid slept...who could blame him, he drank 2 bottles of red wine. At first we simply stared at each other, I with curiosity, he with fear and loathing. Then I thought I was going to go mad if I just sit in this recliner and stare all day so I made an effort to bond with this kid...we played hang-man for an hour. Yeah sounds lame, but hey I had very limited resources. At a point he wrote the following _ _ _ _ . I guessed the last three letters I-N-E but I simply couldn't get the first one. Then he told me it was W. Then I asked him "Sweetheart, why did you do what you did?" At first he was silent. Then he poured it all out. We dialogued and I acted as a counsellor. And all the while we played different games which consistantly brought us closer. After a while, a bunch of other kids seemed to be intrigued and joined us in the games...one was a little boy, progessively losing his sight and the other a little girl with such terrible asthma that if she laughs she may have a cardiac arrest. I learnt that nursing incorporates so many facets of life. And to be a good nurse, one needs to have a certain personality. It really isn't about how much you know, but really about who you are.

The next shift involved being sent to a very crowded medical ward, and it was pretty much the usual deal, a bunch of very old people, washings, shit, piss and vomit. It was a pretty smooth day. Until 6.30pm when a relative tugs at my sleeve and tells me to look at her 90yr old father. He was turning white and gasping for air. I thought "Oh my God, please don't tell me this is happening." I couldn't see any of the more experienced nurses anywhere. In four years of nursing school, I never once came across a CPR case...and ofcourse it had to happen on my second day of being qualified and I had to step up to the case, I had no excuse now, I wasn't a student any longer, there was nowhere to hide. I called out "Someone, call CPR!" and I began compressions while another newly qualified nurse began respirations with an ambu-bag. I had to show a brave face, but my heart was pounding and I had my jaw clenched so tightly that when I relaxed, my face hurt. The CPR team came promptly and took over. I stepped aside with other other newly qualified nurse and we just watched together. We lost him. And in our hearts we both really knew that this wasn't a game anymore. This was the real deal. We are responsible for people's lives now. It was something we always knew...but only at that moment did it really materialise. This is the proverbial "it". But its great and its what I want. I want "it".

The next day I was off. However, that morning my back was in agony...I got out of bed like a 70yr old would. In the evening my fiance came over and we were lying down on my bed and I couldn't get up. And when I finally did, I felt this searing pain through my back, like someone hit me with a crow-bar and I screamed out in pain. I couldn't move and my fiance rushed me off to casualty. I was having so many muscular spasms that the doctor found it difficult to examine me and I needed a shot of muscle relaxant just to stay still on the x-ray machine. So today, my third day on the job, I am on sick-leave. The doctor told me in a joking way "The next time a CPR comes your way, let him die." And ofcourse I knew there was no way I could ever do that.

In the car back home, I wondered if its all worth it in the end...nursing I mean. Then I thought, if one really wants something, if its worth having, its going to take hard work. Nothing in this world is worth having if it comes easy.

Begin at the beginning

2006-11-25T10:29:00.000+01:00

This is it...what I have been striving for. The past four years, of sweating blood have culminated into something. I will start work as a staff nurse on tuesday. Only God knows where. I just hope its somewhere I can cope and prosper. I am still a little scared...I am very impatient with myself. I always want to do everything correctly and I am very hard on myself. I hope I can live up to my own expectations.

This being my last free week-end before entering the working world, I have decided to live it up and enjoy. So my soon-to-be husband and I went to eat some indian food. In the middle of our meal, this guy comes in asking for a take-away. He was well-groomed, polite and decent. After making his order, he sat on a couch and brought out his mobile phone and said, "Hi Candy, its me. Tonight make sure you do not wear a thong or a g-string, only hot-pants...yes, focus on the lap-dancing because without it we've got nothing...keep the patrons happy and focus on conversation, ok?...no, I won't be paying you, but whatever you make you can keep...ok sweet? ciao."

Isn't it weird when these creatures of the underworld come up to the surface? When people indulge in these kinds of services I guess we don't really think of the intricate workings to make it a success and the degree of professionalism involved. And I mention this incident in light of the fact that lately the police made rounds of the gentlemen's clubs around here and arrested a bunch of girls who were simply trying to make a living. It made me angry because these girls are not hurting anyone, they aren't taking anything away from anyone...they aren't criminals. And if anyone brings up the issues of white slavery, I assure you that those unfortunate girls will not be working in gentlemen's clubs, they will be made to be hardcore prostitutes and have any money they make taken from them in a heart beat.

I just think it would be better if the police would do something about the amount of theft that occurs in teen hot-spots and and harrassment that now comes part and parcel with a night out.

Oh and if anyone chooses to indulge in a night of female entertainment, please give the girls some money because it may be all they earn that night.

We all have to make a living in the way we know best.

Betrothal

2006-11-13T17:56:00.000+01:00

Yep, that is right, it has happened to me...I got engaged and I will be married next year. I remember a friend of mine once said with a chuckle, "Pica, there is no goddamn way you will ever get married. Nobody in his right mind will marry you." Well then, I guess my fiance is one insane sonofabitch! And I am the one laughing now.

The funny thing is, I'm getting married and all of a sudden, EVERYONE has an opinion about it. The colour of my dress, the shape, the style, whether I should try to lose some weight, whether I look great as I am, what flavour the cake should be blah blah blah blah. Then again, a wedding is something one holds for the general public...my dad calls weddings "Let's all feed the nation" ceremonies...and when one does anything in the public eye, one has to be expectant of criticism and opinions.

The thing people don't seem to be understanding is that the day itself is of no real importance to me...its all about what happens after...living with my man, sharing a life and making our hopes and dreams come about together. The day is just one day. Its the rest of my life that I care about. I'm more than certain its going to be a happy life.

I officially graduate on December 5th and I can't wait. It is by far the most important day of my life. All odds were pretty much against me. It will take all my physical strength not to grab the certificate and scream "FUCK YOU!" to a couple of people in the audience while giving them the finger. Then again, what could possibly happen if I really did it? I bet I'd get my picture in the paper...the story line would read "Insolent graduate shows faculty what she's made of " or "Nothing like university education" Yes, yes. I'd go down in history. Everyone would say "there was this one girl who flashed the bird at her lecturers" and I'd proudly think, yeah, that was me. But of course I will do no such thing...not the proper decorum for an educated soon-to-be wife.

Yeah right. Pfffffft.

I'm petrified

2006-11-02T21:36:00.000+01:00

Very soon we are going to be called to start working. And I am so scared. There are still some things I don't know how to do. And I'm scared of being a burden on everyone else.

So yeah, I'm scared. I am really, really scared.

If anyone out there who reads this blog can empathise in any way, it would mean so much to me because I'm feeling really pathetic.

A whole lot of anger going on

2006-10-17T17:50:00.000+02:00

Lately I have been feeling this intense anger. I don't really know where its stemming from. I simply want to scream and punch something. Or someone. Preferably in the face or gut.

However that would be horribly unproductive. Yet I want to say this...if I actually did punch somebody it would look insane and people would probably say things like "What the hell do you think you're doing?" or "Are you crazy?" And I probably would be committed.

Yet answer me this: Is being angry really so crazy? An emotion which is really natural and has to be suppressed and managed constantly? Under the circumstances we live in today, would it really be so crazy to let go?

In my opinion, we have so much to be angry about, I actually think its kind of crazy that we suppress it, act ashamed of it and try to pretend it isn't there simply to be considered socially acceptable. Its insane.

This has nothing to do with nursing.

2006-10-16T21:43:00.000+02:00

And I repeat, this has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with nursing.

Breathe

2006-10-09T16:42:00.001+02:00

Just as I thought I can finally catch my breath, I found out I still have a million and one things to do before I am officially a nurse. I need to register with the state, which is a hassle in its own rite. You have to attach your official transcript with clinical hours and degree classification. You also have to accquire your mode of conduct form and attach it aswell as birth certificate and photocopy of Id card and a CV. Its such a lengthy procedure that the secratary at the nursing school actually had to email me an instruction guide! At least I was given that.

I met 2 diploma students who didnt manage to pass. I felt so sad. I looked at them and a voice inside of me said "It could have easily been me." But then another voice said "No, it couldn't. You worked so hard on all factors. You didn't just improve physical nursing skills. You fought the most challenging mental battle in your short life. Everything about you changed. Your soul got scarred, which happens to anyone who chases and gets what he or she wants."

So I took a breath. Then I walked away.

The end of an era

2006-10-07T16:34:00.000+02:00

I got my official resit result today and I passed. And I am ecstatic. I totally deserve it. And now my career starts.

I can't believe I am not going to be in a classroom anymore, writing assignments anymore. Its time to throw the student part of me away. And thats a big part and always has been. And now its over. It really and truly is the end of an era.

But saying that, its also the beginning of a new one. Now its time for my real life to begin. My social life, my lovelife, my family life can now get my full attention. I know there is going to be more and more turbulence in the future...however the experiences of this summer have taught me how to deal with them in a better way. I am not the underdog anymore.

I am part of one of the most respected professions in the world. And I am very, very proud.

Under pressure

2006-09-11T17:27:00.000+02:00

At the moment I am listening to the song under pressure. Now, I sincerely dislike Queen, but I love David Bowie so I guess I am excused by all indie tits out there.

Well, my exam is on the 13th, 2 days away and I really do feel under pressure. But its a good pressure...time to prove myself. And I'm sure a lot of you out there are saying "How can there be a good type of pressure?" Trust me, there is. This is the "I will kick some nursing ass" kind of pressure. This is the "I can do this and I have worked hard for this and its my time" kind of pressure.

Its my turn to shine like the star that I am. There are so many kinds of stars. There are the bright stars like Movie stars, rock stars, pop stars...all equally impressive. Yet then there are those stars which are really small, that you can't even see with a telescope, however they still shine brightly and are still an integral part of the milky way.

This is our last dance.
This is ourselves.
Under pressure.

Time after Time

2006-09-07T18:52:00.000+02:00

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,

And I think of you

Caught up in circles confusion

Is nothing new

Flashback warm nights

Almost left behind

Suitcases of memories,

Time after

Sometimes you picture me

And I'm walking too far ahead

You're calling to me, and I can't hear

What you've said

Then you say go slow

I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting

Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has

Turned to gray

Watching through windows you're wondering

If I'm OK

Secrets stolen from deep inside

The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting

Time after time

You said go slow I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting

Time after time

Just forget the world

2006-09-06T21:47:00.000+02:00

Sometimes its good to not worry, just be happy. At the moment I am feeling this way. Today I conquered a fear, and it really felt good. i feel like i can do anything now. And its a feeling I need to pass my resit.

I can finally say I have things in perspective. Its all a question of being able to go with the flow now, yet to be assertive throughout. I think I will be alright. The first time I didn't think I would be alright...I went into that exam thinking failure was an option. It should not have been, which is exactly what makes all the difference this time.

1 more week. Just 1 more.

Just give me something to hold on to...

2006-09-05T20:47:00.000+02:00

Well, the resit is soon here, on the 13th of september. I know its silly, but I checked what my horoscope is going to be for that day. It said "Today is the day some action that you will do will make a difference to your community."

I am not a superstitious person. But to make a difference is really why I went into nursing in the first place. A lot of shit has happened in my life...most of the time it has been other people, even my own family, who have caused life to give me a bad turn. And yet I still love people and I still have this naive belief that all people are good. And I also believe that everyone deserves a second chance.

Sometimes I think I lost sight of what I went into nursing for. For some reason I got clouded. I never did it for personal gain, for personal success or to make money. I did it to help those less fortunate.

However I know I'm no saint. I also did it to escape from my own problems, through emersing myself in other people's. That way I never had to confront my difficulties.

I honestly do not know if that is really such a bad thing. Its true that perhaps I am a bit of a Houdini when it comes to real life. Yet nobody can accuse me of being self-indulgent.

Give me a chance to hold on.
Give me a chance to hold on.

some holiday snaps!

2006-08-18T13:26:00.000+02:00

As I said, I was in Paris so I will post some pics of the trip!

quite the anti-climax

2006-08-07T11:08:00.000+02:00

I haven't written for a very, very long time. I wasn't feeling emotionally stable to do so and I was afraid I'd end up writing something I would regret.

I did very well in all my final papers and in my thesis, but unfortunately I did not manage to pass my practical exam. I have the resit in September and I am quite sure I will pass but I also realise that if I don't, I am in danger of losing my degree.

The amount of enormous failure I have felt for the past month has been unfathomable. I have felt like I am a bad nurse, like an idiot. What is more, I never expected such a thing to happen to me...to possibly not graduate.

At the end of the day, what happens is supposed to happen, whether I pass or fail. If I pass, I guess this resit was jus some way of showing me that I need to work harder and be assertive. If I fail, (which I'm not going to do), it just goes to show that nursing wasn't for me in the first place. However I find that very hard to believe. I care for my patients alot. But lately I have realised that care is not what nursing is all about. Sometimes I think its about everything but care.

I went to Paris for a week. It was a much needed holiday. I had a few moments to forget this total disaster and rediscover myself as a person.

For the past four years nursing consumed me, I could never concentrate on anything else. In a way I lost myself. My relationships suffered. My mental status was impaired. And I am never ever letting that happen to me ever again.

This time, I am in charge. And I am not going to let anyone forget it. Especially myself.

Something I have realised

2006-06-29T10:24:00.000+02:00

Well, I have my practical on the 11th July. However I am really quite calm because I have realised something important, a conclusion I have reached while talking to a colleague. So all you nursing students out there, from around the world, remember this:

We have been working for 4 years. We know the skills, we know what we have to do. The important thing now is the frame of mind, which can't be learnt, but has to be conditioned.

Be calm. Think a lot and give it everything you've got.

nurse life soon coming to an end, hopefully

2006-06-25T18:42:00.000+02:00

i finished my written finals, i now have my practical, hopefull i pass everything and graduate in november.

when i started writing nurse life, in first year, i was really insensitive, really green and i hardly even knew what nursing was really all about. and now that student nurse life is soon coming to an end, its really strange to look back and notice how much i have changed.

life will change.
people change.
situations change.
and its all very strange.

even if i do fail everything and don't manage to graduate (oh God help me if this thing does happen) everything will still change for me. but i try not to think of such horrific nightmares.

i have been walking around like a zombie...after getting out of exam mode, its like im awaiting some impending doom until the results come out, so even though I am very happy to have finished the written work, it is not a secure happiness. anything could happen now. and my future depends on this.

i guess i have to just wait and see. i hope luck will be on my side, but most of all, i hope God is on my side...i kind of have a feeling He is.

sweet beyond reason

2006-05-31T08:53:00.000+02:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpZ8HY0WukU&search=sesame%20street

I was alot like this kid when i was little. Unfortunately i am now 22 and most of my cuteness has been sucked out of me. enjoy!

Happy anniversary, blog!!

2006-05-25T10:25:00.000+02:00

My blog is one year old today! Many things have happened this year:

my bf and i have been together for 1 year.
i finished my thesis.
i have come to terms with what nursing is really all about.
So far, I have an "A" in every credit i have done so far.

but most of all, i really grew as a person.

the sad part is that a year ago i was griping about exams and this year, im kind of in the same position. Oh dear.

Oh well. Hopefully next year will be different. I have my first exam on tuesday, which is client assessment. Then the next is the IVI exam and then from the 12th onwards, the dreaded finals. then in July, the dreaded practical.

So i guess i'd better continue my studying.

Filler

2006-05-17T09:50:00.000+02:00

I am at home today, supposedly to study for finals. its cool, i sit at my desk which is quite comfy and cover the material slowly, bit by bit.

I am dying to say student nurse life is coming to an end but i am worried that i may curse myself and end up with a resit. i guess i'll just have to wait and see. i hope i pass that god foresaken practical, thats all.

i hope i don't fuck everything up at the end of it all.

much love all.

Steady as she Goes

2006-05-14T11:10:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I went to work even though it was saturday.

Work on saturdays is different to regular days of the week. I don't know why. things are just quieter. there is a saturday morning atmosphere. but we were still incredibly busy because we were only 4 nurses and 2 students to 26 patients, one of the nurses was half day.

There were 3 patients who got into a fight. A druggie hit a drunk and a security guard got in between them. All of them had head injuries and every hour we had to chart their reactions and state of consciousness. Then they all had to go to the ear,nose and throat department at the same time and there was panic because if three nurses left the ward, there would be only one left to answers the phones and take care of 26 patients. When we called the ENT people to see if they could come to us, they refused so my friend and i had to take all three of them down between us. Madness, I call it madness.

Later, I had to help a staff nurse turn a very, very annoying patient and while doing so her colostomy bag burst. I wanted to vomit. but to make matters worse, she is horribly demented so she says the same 4 sentences over and over again:

I'm going to fall in the well.
You are hurting me yes, no, just a little bit.
Is Doreen here yet?
Hold me Dor!

Right between my nausea and my receeding tolerance levels I feel this awful pain in my abdomen and I realised I had just got my monthly 7 days too early. And I was wearing white nursing trousers. Oh crap. I ran to the treatment room, grabbed a handful of surgical swabs, ran to the toilet and stuffed them in my undies. Jesus, they were scratchy! Finally break came along and i bought some pads.

I had to clean a patient's laparatomy wound. It was oozing some kind of pus-like crap so we decided to take a sample and send it for investigation. In order to get a good sample, i had to squeeze this person's skin until i had a decent amount of exudate. My friend shouts out "MIND YOUR FACE!" and the fountain of pus missed me by a few millimetres.

But throughout all this, I still felt fine. I was totally Zen about everything that went on. As the Raconteurs say:

So steady as she goes
When you have completed what you thought you had to do
And your blood's depleted to the point of stable glue
Then you'll get along
Then you'll get along

my legs hurt

2006-04-28T21:36:00.000+02:00

i have been working non-stop. waking up at 5.30 for 3 consecutive days a week is very tiring. i didn't used to get tired in first year or second year. this means 2 things: i am getting older or the work has become harder.

in all honesty i believe its a mixture of both. its taking its toll on my body. we are meant to protect our backs, so when we lift, we lift with our legs. so what about protecting our legs? my legs are very sore.

we were given our 1st yr student to help us during our exam. mine looks anorexic. she is painfully thin. her arms are like toothpicks. therefore she does not lift patients properly so when it comes to propping up patients in bed, i basically lift an 85kg person on my own. but she is such a gr8 student, i don't dare complain.

I have thought this before, but now i am convinced: female patients are lazy. there is a patient in my ward who wears a nappy because she is too lazy to go to the toilet. these things never happen on the male side of the ward. our clinical tutor tells us to encourage the patients to be independent. the problem is they prefer to be lazy bitches. And when a lazy geezer wants to be lazy, there is no stopping her. And one would think "hell, if she doesnt want to wash herself, tell the nurses to refuse and she will be forced to wash herself." ha! if only logic was part of hospital life. if we don't wash her, she won't wash at all and stink up the whole ward, making life impossible for the other patients and nurses. Or even worse, sue for malpractice due to neglect. So we have to wash her and change her nappy.

I also had a run in with a doctor this week. i had a patient with a drain. drains are never meant to be on the floor, so i put it in the holder. the bulgarian doctor had other ideas.

Dr: THESE DRAINS! THEY SHOULD BE ON THE FLOOR! WHO PUT THEM HERE?
Me: I did.
Dr: YOU BAD STUDENT! ON YOUR KNEES IN SHAME!! ON YOUR KNEES!!
Me: I am not going down on my knees because I am not wrong. The drain has a port, if it is on the floor, i will give the patient an infection.
Dr:WHO TEACHES YOU HERE? THE STAFF? IN MY COUNTRY YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PHD OR AN MSC TO TEACH NURSES!!
Me: Sigh. Its a pity your country is so far away.

He didn't answer me.

My back is hurting me...but you know, if it wasn't it would probably mean I'm not working hard enough.

take care everyone.

2006-04-17T22:56:00.000+02:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

A sigh of relief

2006-04-11T11:38:00.000+02:00

I have finally finished my thesis, it is at the printer right now. I know I will probably have tonnes of things to fix but at least its the start of the end, if you know what I mean.

Easter holidays are here, so far I am enjoying them, because I don't have to go to work. I had my assessment on friday, which went ok, nothing exceptional. But one thing I noticed is that everyone really has their own style of nursing and there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to many things.

I am sick of my thesis. I really don't want to have to look at it ever, ever again. I get physically ill when i look at the lap top and open the file entitled "thesis documents." Now all I have to do is study for finals, and pass the practical. Then I can be officially called an SRN and it will be the end of this journey.

Or will it be just the beginning?

What a surprise!

2006-04-06T19:24:00.000+02:00

Well, its soon time to give in the final draft of my thesis, I thank god i caught up with everyone else, even though this week-end im gonna work my ass off to have it ready and at A+ standard. I can only hope and pray.

So at the moment we are all having clinical assessments, that is, a clinical tutor comes to the ward which we chose to do our exam in and watches us work and corrects any potential malpractice we might perform and training us for our final practical. Tomorrow I have mine, and since I take it very seriously, I have a huge list of drugs to study and patient histories to read.

Therefore, this post is once again in point form to save time. Here are a list of surprises one may come across while taking the course of BSc (hons) nursing and working as a student on the ward.

1. Things on the floor: As I was walking into work, I see a huge dollop of pudding on the floor. And another. And another. Only it wasn't pudding. It was shit. All over the hallway. Yum. It trailed until the doctor's desk. When I looked in the doctor's waste paper basket I found a huge colostomy bag, overflowing with shit. It was smelly.(a colostomy bag is directy attached to the large intestine and shit drains into it.) The doctor was shocked. Over all it was a funny surprise.

2. Things on old people's skin: We went to wash our fully dependent patient (a fully dependent patient is one of those who could do nothing for herself). As we open her nappy, we discover a large bandage over her sacrum. When we remove the bandage, we find a waterfall of pus and pseudomonas (a green bacteria that turns pus luminous green) splashing out onto the bed. When we begin to clean the sore, we put in the swab and come across something hard. What do you know! Its a bit of exposed bone! Woo hoo! Yee haaaa!

3. Things in a patients history: I read a patient's history a few months back and it said that this poor old man had cancer. He was 85 years old. I thought about asking him to be my patient for the next day so I went to talk to him, to see who he lives with, his housing condition and other aspects of his social history. So after 5 minutes of talking to him, this old man exclaims "Yep, the doctor said I am great! I'm ok,nothing to worry about!" to which I reply "Heh heh, ok..." BOING! That had the potential to be a very,very ugly surprise. Thank God I was careful. Jesus.

4. Things in a patient's bed: I went to wash an old lady who smiled on my arrival. She looked so peaceful, all tucked up in bed. I went near her to say good morning. To return the gesture, she held my hand. The only problem was that hers had been in her nappy. And she had diarrhoea. And when I removed her top sheet, SURPRISE! she was swimming in it. She had shit from head to toe...piss too. What fun!

Sigh. I never liked surprises. Good night, much love.

What's new pussy cat?

2006-03-29T18:38:00.000+02:00

I have not written in simply ages because I have been monstrously busy with my thesis. I was leading the pack and now I'm at the bottom of the barrel, but I'm creeping up...just one chapter left!!

Well, since I always cover my distress with humour, and since I am a little pressed for time, I will share something funny about my patients.

Would you believe none of them refer to their private parts as a penis or vagina? They have all sorts of names. Since I am doing the data analysis for my thesis, I have decided to group them and list them:

Female:

Il-figorin
L-anglu
Il-paccoccu
Il-pastizz
Il-farfett
Il-pussikat
Il-parti

Male:

Il-kukku
Il-pitiross
Gismi
L-ghasfur
Ir-re
Il-king
Il-firrillu
Il-parti

So, blog fans, I hope this will suffice until I'm a little less busy! Much love one and all!

WATCH YOUR BACK!

2006-03-16T11:25:00.000+01:00

And I mean this literally. All nurses out there, take good care of your back!

This week, I got out of bed with this tremendous pain in my lower back. I said I'd be a hero and go to school anyway...as the day went on, the pain got worse and worse. I couldn't walk, only hobble like an old lady! I actually started going dizzy with pain, which was odd because I have an extremely high tolerance to pain. I couldn't even joke with my friends, I felt so out of it.

I thought that was that. I went home and to the doctor. He said I have nerve damage from all the lifting that goes on in hospital. I had to stay home for three days and rest.

Now I am a little better. But a warning to all nurses and students: don't try to be superman or wonderwoman! If the patient is big and heavy, don't even attempt to bathe them or lift them on your own...hell, even if the patient is underweight, don't strain to take care of her/him. Call for help or else end up like me...hobbling, requiring help to sit down and stand up and not even able to pick up my cat!

Much love everybody and most of all TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELVES!

cake made of pooh!

2006-03-09T21:28:00.000+01:00

its my bday on sunday and my bf's on thursday, so i made us a cake depicting winnie the pooh!
woo hoo!

new ward, same shit

2006-03-09T18:20:00.000+01:00

I am now in the ward in which I shall remain until july when i shall do my final practical and begin my life as a staff nurse. However I will cut the crap and get down to the incidents of today.

1. the "I want tea" incident

There is an old lady who used to work as a fish seller in my ward. Today she started screaming "I WANT TEA! GIVE ME TEA!" right in the middle of when we were bathing patients. I shout out "Didn't the nursing aide give you any?" and she says that when he came around she said she didn't want any. However 10 minutes later she wants some. I yell out "My hands are full, but in a minute."

So ofcourse, exactly one minute passes and she's screaming for tea. I still did not have the time to drop everything and make tea as I was bathing the woman opposite her (who was an incident in her own right) and she gave me a headache. When I finished I went next to her and decided to carry out some patient education...about when she can have tea and how to get it.

Me: "hi Cindy. Why did you refuse the tea from the nursing aide today?"
Cindy: "Because I did not feel like it at that moment."
Me: "Ah, yes, but ten minutes later you did..."
Cindy: "thats right."
Me: "Well, tomorrow when the nursing aide asks if you want tea, you must say 'YES! YES! GIVE ME TEA, GOD BLESS YOUR GOOD HEART! TEA FOR ME! WOO HOO!' " while saying this I was lifting my hands in the air and shaking my fists.
I could hear my friends laughing behind the curtains.

When I begin to lose my patience, I cover up with humour. My friend made her tea and all was well.

2. the "freshly washed stink" incident

My friend and I had to wash a dependent patient. She was bed ridden. She was demented and kept screaming "I'm going to fall in the well! I'm going to fall in the well". I tried to explain that she was in hospital and there were no wells but it was useless. Oh, and she stank. And I mean STANK. It was so bad I began to retch and gag.

So I grabbed her liquid soap and squished out half of it onto her face cloth and proceeded to scrub.

And she STILL stank.

I filled her with sweet smelling powder.

And she STILL stank.

I thought that is it. I can't spend the whole morning trying to get rid of her body odour. She didn't have sores, her skin was intact and everything. I guess she was simply destined to stink.

Me: Well, bye then Angela, if you need anything just tell us.
Angela: I'm gonna fall in the well, I'm gonna fall in the well!
Me: No your not. Bye bye!

3. the "where the hell is her urethra" incident

I decided to go ahead with inserting a catheter on another dependent patient because hers was past the sell by date. So my friends and I got everything ready, closed the curtains, I put on the sterile gloves and set to work.

For those of you not in the know, a catheter is a tube one sticks into the urethra (the pee-pee hole) until it reaches the bladder and then one inflates a little balloon with 15cc water so that it stays there. It is a painless procedure for women and a topical anaesthetic is usually used. For men it hurts, even if the anaesthetic is used.

The patient found it difficult to open her legs because she was so stiff, so I had to work blindly. Needless to say I did not manage to carry out this procedure and the nurse did it for me after 3 tries.

Yet what was really disturbing about this episode was that a male student was observing and he kept giving me pointers, like "The urethra is right under the clitoris" or "I think you have inserted the tubing into the vaginal cavity" or "If you separate the labia majora you'll have a better chance of insertion." It was a little freaky.

So here I am until July, embracing just what is a surgical ward. Its all good.

an awful nightmare

2006-03-07T00:07:00.000+01:00

last night I dreamed about my final practical. Now, our final practical is the vision of hell on earth. It runs from 7am until noon, in which you take on 4 patients, one dependent, 2 semi-dependent and one independent. The objective of the exam is to take care of all 4 patients including bathing, wound cleaning, IV care, catheter care, lifting and handling, giving out their pills of which you have to know all possible side effects and how to treat such side effects. One also has to know the whole patients past medical history and social history, like how many kids the patient has and if they are married. In the case of a surgical ward, one must also be sure of discharge planning. Nursing reports must also be written. In record time. So unless one is really, really, prepared, there is plenty of room where to fail.

So yesterday I woke up in a cold sweat because I had a nightmare. In the nightmare it was 6.55am and I had not prepared one iota. I knew nothing about my patients. I was trying to get everything together in the last minute and then I saw the examiners around the corner and I knew it was too late and I had thrown 4yrs of nursing school down the toilet because I was going to fail.

I think the stress is getting to me...

And that was it

2006-02-22T19:09:00.000+01:00

I felt so sorry today.

Tomorrow my friend is doing his final practical so today I went to work to help him. I was so wrapped up with his exam patients that I barely noticed what was happening a few beds away.

There was an illegal immigrant in a single room. He had a rebreather mask on (a mask with a bag attached) and he was breathing rapidly and heavily. My friend gave him the thumbs-up sign questionably and he shook his head. We called the nursing officer.

The patient started writhing about, shaking his arms, his head everywhere, his eyes buldging. He was given pain relief. They started CPR. I was at the door saying to myself "Please don't die, please don't die."

Nurses were running through the ward, trying to save this man's life. But there came a point where he could fight no more. The light left his eyes. Then he left us. The nurses put down their hands and sighed. There was nothing we could do for him now.

And that was it.
And this is my life. Hovering amongst people who might die and who will die.

a few end of the day thoughts

2006-02-21T22:24:00.000+01:00

just a few random thoughts...

1. The only thing I really dislike about nursing is waking up so early.

2. I need to eat more wholegrains

3. I'm getting LOADS of stomach acid

4. My cat is getting cuddlier in her old age

5. I need to make an effort to walk an hr a day...I used to do it, i don't know why I stopped

6. Ah, wait I stopped because it has become too cold to walk about

7. I don't eat as much chocolate as I used to...I guess I'm developing a bit of a conscience

8. I have started biting my nails again.

9. I have to finish my thesis

10. I have to figure out my future, on all facets.

good night everybody.

We've been struck by a smooth hindu with love handles.

2006-02-19T10:06:00.000+01:00

Well, my life isn't all about nursing and sometimes on the weekends I am even able to forget about nursing altogether. However this is only possible through the antics of my friends but mostly my family. Friday was the apex of my weekend.

Friday evening: My brother is a librarian to an international school. That night, his school put on a talent show so he had to go out earlier than usual. My sister and I were watching DVDs when he comes in, wearing only his black cordorouys. My bro was once quite chub-chub, but then he lost a ton of weight, and even though he lost loads, his man-boobs still persist. He came to ask fashion advice of my sister and I. When I looked at him, I said "Bob, you have love-handles! But don't worry, me and Yvonne (my sis) have them too! Hahahahahah!" He replied "oh well, I always had them" and he CUPPED HIS INDIE TITS! My sis and I fell on the floor laughing! Then my dad came in and Yvonne said "Dad, do you know what love handles are?" My dad turned red so I told him "Its nothing rude, so don't even go there." So he thought a little and said "Ah, yes!....Ears!" Once again, we couldn't contain ourselves. I told my sis that I guess men just don't know what love handles are. So as a final test we asked my man and he said "Yeah, the fat around a girls hips...I have them too." Kudos to you, my love, you got it right!

So later on my dad decides to take us out for some Indian food. I got a little pissed off because he wanted to go to this complete tourist trap, but he was paying so I shut up. My sister and I walked through the door and my dad followed. Its good to mention at this point that my dad is a BIG man, quite intimidating and not a force to be reckoned with. The following conversation ensued:

Smooth Hindu: Hello girls, table for 2?
Yvonne: No, for three.
Hindu: No, for two, for two.
Yvonne: NO. For THREE.
Hindu: Ah. Do you girls have money?

At this point my sis turns to me with a quizzicle look on her face so I intervene.

Me: I DON'T think I'd go to a restaurant without money.
Hindu: And where do you get your money from?
Yvonne (whispering in my ear): does he think we are prostitutes?
(I didn't feel like dealing with him anymore) Me: Erm...there's my dad right behind me....
Hindu: Then you are 2 verrrrry lucky girls.

What the hell?

Then my dad got mad.

Dad: "I SHOULD LEAVE THIS RESTAURANT RIGHT NOW! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO MY DAUGHTERS LIKE THAT!"

Hindu: Oh, I am very sorry, I was only having fun with your girls.

Dad: "NO! YOU WILL NOT HAVE FUN WITH MY GIRLS! (oh Lord, I thought my dad was gonna erupt like a volcano) NOW DIRECT US TO OUR TABLE!"

The waiter kept apologising throughout the whole meal and my dad kept saying its ok and all. It was hilarious.

On saturday I had to think of nursing again, so I conducted more interviews for my thesis. 5 down, 5 to go and it will soon be all over. I can't wait. Then finals, then final practical and I am a nurse! yeeee ha!

Well, today is sunday and my man and I are supposed to spend it together, so we'll see what will happen later.

Hope you have all had a great weekend, much love.

With a side of diarrhoea...

2006-02-15T15:24:00.000+01:00

Oh my God, was I mad today!

Since the diploma final years need an extra student during their final practical, I was at work, helping my final year get ready (his exam is 2moro, btw so keep him in your prayers). Since I'm a final year BSc student, my student got lucky because usually first years are allocated for this job, and since there weren't enough diploma first years to go around, I am filing in along with some other BSc final year students...and trust me, no sane 4th year wants to teach some new and pimply adolescent junior nurse from scratch so getting a fourth year is like a sweet dessert at the end of a raw deal.

So I was in the nursing officer's office getting things ready when someone calls me to change a nappy...no problemo, I think. That is until I meet Ralph.

Ralph is scottish and he has a laugh like Muttley, a sort of irritating hissssssss. He has only one leg because the other was amputated a year ago. He needs to get to dialysis and he wanted a clean nappy before he went. Fair enough. However he did not warn me that he had explosive diarrhoea and as soon as I took it off, he farted and a shot of diarrhoea landed at my hip and slithered down to my white trousers. And when I say "shot" I don't mean a miniscule pellet, I mean a large bomb of liquidy, foul-smelling, crud. However, do you know why I got so mad? Because not only did he soil freshly bleached white trousers, but he couldn't stop laughing about it!

HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL? HOW DARE HE LET OUT HIS EXPLOSIVE DIARRHOEA ON MY UNIFORM! WHAT DID HE EAT FOR SUPPER YESTERDAY, A HAND GRENADE? fILLED WITH BEANS PERHAPS? LORD, I KNOW SHIT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE ROSES, BUT NEITHER DOES IT SMELL LIKE DEATH!! AND HE'D BETTER STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE I'LL SHOVE MY FOOT SO HARD UP HIS CRUDDY ASS THAT HE WILL GET IMPALED!!

But ofcourse I didn't say this. I politely excused myself, scrubbed the hell out of my trousers with alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, soap and water (while they were still on me), took the patient to dialysis and put on a pair of jeans when I got back.

Jesus it made me angry. It felt good to write about it though.

the johari window

2006-02-14T22:16:00.000+01:00

the johari window is about personality and how others perceive you...please take a moment to fill in mine here: http://kevan.org/johari?name=Nurse

or this link, i dunno which one wrks, but try this one first: http://kevan.org/johari?view=Nurse%20Pica

We've got jungle fever

2006-02-13T20:29:00.000+01:00

I thought it couldn't happen and it was all an exaggeration but it is true. In the final year of nursing, you change. But not in a good way. We are like animals, without a voice yet always at the ready if we are threatened.

We don't laugh anymore. We don't smile anymore, except for the fake ones we wear in front of our patients. Our fuses are shorter than ever, we fight and make up at the drop of a hat. Our health is suffering, back-pain, reflux and stomach acid, weight gain, weight loss. We feel guilt and a lack of freedom and we grumble at anyone who wants to listen and we all make a huge effort not to grumble in front of loved ones. We have become boring and ungrateful. We can't laugh at bedsores and demented patients...and since it is humour and dehumanisation which keeps us sane, it is no wonder that we are all slowly but surely losing what is left of the fragments of our sanity.

I realise the great seriousness that is illness. It isn't funny and it isn't a laugh. It is sorrowful and horrible and tragic. This is exactly why the course is so demanding. To permanently stamp into our heads that nursing is very serious- we deal one to one with disease.

Today one of our lecturers decided to ask us basically what is causing our high stress levels. Ofcourse, it couldn't be a civilised task. We were like animals in the jungle, fighting for survival, attacking each other at one point, at the next forming allies. We were pouncing like pumas, trumpeting like elephants , screaming like banshees and threatening like gorillas beating their chests. Some of us were taken aback by the battle and sat still but attentive like meer cats. All of us were looking out for the weakness of others, whether a fellow student or quadruped or bi-ped hunter known as the lecturers and examiners.

Yet over and above is the fierce and ever present lion, the king of the jungle, leading all the other animals. This beast is none other than disease. It is what leads us and drives us to go on. We try to manipulate it and understand it and as paradoxical as it sounds, it will be the means of our living.

We have five months to outsmart our hunters and until we perform our final practical. Until then, its survival of the fittest.

my data collection

2006-02-12T10:52:00.000+01:00

I have just started the data collection for my thesis...a series of interviews with patients who have a stoma. For those not in the know, a stoma is a hole in the abdomen to which the intestine is attached and therefore one proceeds to void himself through this hole into a bag rather than through the rectum into the toilet.

I have conducted my pilot study and everything went smoothly...however I noticed that how these people are simply dying to tell their story. So much so that when I am conducting interviews they completely digress and start telling me about how their children react to their condition, how doctors have treated them and how their pet can smell them.

Which all boils down to this theory I have: that everyone has a story to tell...and even the most reserved and secretive of people are dying to tell it, as long as someone will listen. Sometimes I think I'm gifted because everyone seems to want to tell me their story...then again I am very non-judgemental and thats what people want...people usually don't want approval for their actions...they don't want disapproval either...in fact, they won't want any sort of opinion at all. They just want someone to know what they have been through and the consequences. And ofcourse understanding.

So data collection isn't just something I am doing for my course and with patients. It is something I do every day, with everyone I know. And it isn't just data collection. Its story-telling and like a child, I listen, draw my own conclusions but remain silent.

A lack of Vision

2006-02-05T13:24:00.000+01:00

Usually I post about hospital related occurances, so I am sure that right now everyone is thinking that I am going to tell some humourous tale about a blind patient ambling about, not knowing where he is going or perhaps being too proud to ask for help.

Well, what I am about to relate is pretty much the same, but different.

Yesterday I went over to my manfriend's house to watch the "Malta song for europe" competition, to see which song would be chosen to take part in the Eurovision song contest. I think yesterday I felt least proud to be Maltese, seriously.

First a few shallow points...

Jesus Christ, who dressed those singers? I felt sorry for most of them. Did they honestly look in the mirror and say "Oh, I look gorgeous, I most sincerely am the belle of this competition."? Were their parents and relatives watching them at home saying "Look how far my baby has come! Taking part in eurovision song for europe!" In a fuck ugly dress I may add. Fish-tail dresses were the popular choice for the evening but ofcourse they were worn by the wrong people. Yes, Nicole Kidman might wear one, Gwyneth Peltrow might wear one but do you know what these 2 fabulous women have in common? THEY ARE STICK THIN! On behalf of fat-bottomed girls everywhere (and trust me, I am one of them) keep away from hip-hugging, fish tail evening gowns; you can only lose. Kudos go to Olivia Lewis who tried the very up and coming Edwardian look however her stylist got it wrong in ill-fitting trousers and a ruffle that looked like a fancy noose.

Also too much make-up was the order of the night and I wonder how many of them bought a hammer and chisel this morning to crack it off...well they also could have tried scraping it off with a lock of their own hair because there was so much gel and spray that the rock hard helmet look prevailed.

And how can one forget the performances? Look people, choreographed pathos NEVER works. It isn't cool. And rubbing shoulders with the guitarist of your band went out with Jon Bon Jovi when he got his hair cut. Woo hoo hoo, were these guys were living on a prayer. Unfortunately, they weren't even half way there. And what about the Warrior sisters? Their pathos wasn't even in synch. And who could forget the other sisters, the maltese Britney and Lynne Spears? The way that younger one was dancing and jumping up and down in that sparkly purple cat-suit and her sister who stopped singing just because her microphone didnt work...that is a big no no. As all performers should know, the show must go on, despite technical faults.

That's another thing...one of Malta's biggest shows and there were technical faults! And it wasn't just any show, it was a competition. As a result, the faulted songs were played again...was this fair? Ok, it wasn't fair to have your microphone not working during your moment, but is it fair to the other contestants to have your song played twice? lets put it this way, with songs written for eurovision, generally you don't need to listen to more than 20 seconds of it to get the vibe of it all and if the microhpone stopped working in the middle of a 4minute song...well, you do the math.

The half time show depressed me. There was this guy dressed up as a taxi (yes, a taxi) who was running through the audience and passing comments in a loud and crude voice. He was completely unfunny and he couldn't even think of 2 original jokes because he passed the exact same comments to two different people and carried out the exact same distasteful monologue. It was like a broken record.

Yet the pinnacle of my anger was reached when the eurovision-hater of all time took to the stage: Lou Bondi. What the hell???? He hates eurovision yet embraced it last night by playing guitar (badly) to the most commercial Beatle's songs in existance. Was he trying to patch things up between him and the eurovision-loving public, to make his repetoire more rich, so to speak? Before introducing him they put up a small feature of his eurovision-hating life...so what, now he converted to the eurovision holiness? What a sell out. If he had the slightest amount of integrity, he would have stuck to his guns...the only thing I ever agreed with Lou Bondi on was his dislike for Eurovision...now, he has completely lost all credibility. Oh, and he should have taken some guitar lessons, starting with Anti-Pathos 101.

In all honesty it saddened me. This is NOT how I want Maltese people to be portrayed...as people without a clue. The wrong people are in charge of the wrong things, and everyone is afraid to comment for fear of a law-suit or being hated by the general public and having all the politics on this island against you. Yesterday's event was a celebration of mediocrity and everyone is too blind to see it.

Yes its very easy for me to sit here, behind a false name and criticise...however I value my job and I value my reputation and I dont want it ruined in a heartbeat, especially since my intentions are benevolent. I know that once word gets out about this post I will be attacked. I would love to be able to help make Malta a better place and I try to do so in my own little life, with my patients. However I would like to wake up the organisers of these events or at least help them broaden their obviously very small and closed minds. Once again, it all boils down to how satisfied this country is with itself and nobody even thinks about it possibly being better, more advanced...so we either remain static or else decline.

This isnt Eurovison. Its Lack of vision.

Much love everybody.

Patience, patients

2006-01-31T19:01:00.000+01:00

In nursing school we are taught that every patient is an individual, with individual needs and that the patient is unique and unlike any other.

Bull shit.

It is not politically correct, but patients can be categorized based on appearance, behaviour, odour and perverted comments. I have taken the liberty of publishing my analysis which has took me four years and it is most probably not yet concluded.

Oh what a fright
These are the patients who are afraid of everything. And I mean everything. A typical conversation with a patient like this is as follows:

*nurse approaches patient.

Patient: EEK!! what are you going to do to me?!

nurse: Nothing. I just wanted to ask if you needed assistance to wash yourself this morning.

Patient: AARGH! NO! EEK! How will I wash?

nurse: erm...um...with soap and water, perhaps?

Patient: ARGH! (patient promptly puts his head under his blanket)

Sigh. Next!

The chatterbox
These are the ones who can't shut up. Oh, and these generally constantly try to make you their personal slaves.

Nurse: Hi Mrs Jones, I just need to take your blood pressure and be on my way...
(hah! fat-bloody-chance!)

Mrs Jones: Oh nurse Pica, how are you! Is my blood pressure high?well,ifitis,itsallmymother'sfaultbecausehersideofthefamilyallsuffered
fromveryhighbloodpressurebecauseshedrankwhileshewaspregnantwithmeso
ImadesuretoneverdrinkwhileIwaspregnantwithmyMollywhobythewayhasabigpimpleonherleft
buttockwhichhaslatelyfilledwithpusanditstinkstohighheaven.
whatdoyouhavetodotobecomeanurse?mustyoudoalevelsbecausemyMollycan
doalevelseventhoughsheisnotverybrightbutshecanuseherheadonlyifshewantstoherboyfriendisa
doctoryouknowisyourboyfriendadoctor?Iguessnotyoudon'tlookthedoctor-lovingtypewithyourlargebehindandallihearddoctorslikethemsveltewhichyouarebutnotquiteif
youknowwhatImean...

Nurse: erm, yes I'd love to stay and chat (tremendous lie!) but I have other patients to look after...

Mrs Jones: OhokthenIwon'tkeepyouasecondlongerjustinformthedoctorthatIamreadyandwaitingforhim,
wellactuallydon'tbecausethatsoundsdesperatehee!hee!hee!wellinallhonestyI'mhappilymarriedtoalovelyyoungermanisn'tthatjustfabulous?okyoucangonow! Toodles!

Nurse: stuffitupyourdaughter'spimplyarse.

Mrs Jones: pardon?

Nurse: Have a lovely day and if you need anything call me! *insert sweet smile here.*

Crazy
Woo hoo hoo, we have LOADS of these. In fact, these should be categorized within their own rite.

nudists: they feel the need to get naked even if its not bath time.
the ones who call you their cats' names because they forgot yours
the ones who throw things at you or pull your hair if you try to wash them
biters
the ones who claim to have slept with you at some point

and the list goes on and on and on.

Match makers

they all have the perfect man for me and he will most often be tattooed,toothless,jobless,witless and unfortunately, not odourless.

Sexually frustrated

While helping them bathe, they ask you specifically to wash them extra well between their legs (male or female) and to apply mosturizing cream, they purposely ask you to bend down and they "accidentally" grab on to your tunic while turning them so that the snap buttons come undone and your bra will be exposed to the patient and the other nurse that's helping you. With the more experienced patient, he will wait until your hands are full because your positioning him and then he lashes out at the tunic when you can't let go to fix it.

Then ofcourse there are those who...well...take care of themselves...if you know what I mean and you have to just be sure not to walk in on them.

The fuss pot

You give an injection.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! You're killing me!!! I will bleed to death!"

You check their blood glucose.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!! You'll go to hell for this! Bitch! Child of Satan! Rosemary's baby!"

You wash their face.

"You're gonna drown me! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!"

(if they are also part of the Crazy category, add some biting, throwing things and then calling you Ginger)

and ofcourse, the very rare Average Sick person.

He is admitted.

He stays in bed.

He bathes regularly.

He takes his pills.

He feels better.

He is discharged.

However, if there were many of these life would get boring. What makes my job interesting is the range of people I encounter, how I react to them and how they react to me. These reactions build up a relationship and upon this relationship a care strategy is built. And even though sometimes my patients can be a little unorthodox, I treat them equally and whereas many of their characteristics are the same, our relationships are different and I guess thats why I am successful.

I can make movies!

2006-01-30T20:59:00.000+01:00

how cool is this! check out the following links:

movie 1:

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=636099

movie 2:

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=636157

movie 3:

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=636240

movie 4:

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=636299

i made them all myself!!!!!

Another day for you and me in paradise

2006-01-30T14:02:00.000+01:00

Today was a quiet day, even though there were 40 patients in my ward, mostly bed ridden and rather sick.

Its really grey outside, raining...i took the above photo just this morning while looking out the window at hospital, taking a few moments to think about life before i started the daily routine. I think these moments are when I think mostly clearly and realistically, when I see "the big picture" and realise how really very small I am in this vast world and even though I am just one person, I am still making a difference and doing my best to keep people happy.

Lately I read "The curious incident of the dog in the night time" and it was able to tug at my heart strings and make me feel a certain amount of hope and love. I realised how so many people try to be something they aren't and here is this boy, so honest that he doesn't know how to be anything else and he is therefore loveable. Oh, if only we all knew how to be ourselves. And many people argue that they don't know who that is...well, ofcourse not, most of us were taught how to be someone else from such an early age, no wonder most of us are so confused!

With my patients, I can honestly say I am myself but within reason. when i am in a bad mood, i don't show it. When I couldnt be arsed about what they have to say, I listen anyway...well actually i guess i should consider these instances as being myself...having patience is part of my formidable self, perhaps?

my back hurts...i think im off to be my sleepy self! much love, y'all.

Emergency! Emergency!

2006-01-24T22:07:00.000+01:00

well monday was most certainly busy. To give you all a clear and concise idea of what went on, I will present my day in point-form, highlighting the most...erm...fascinating parts.

1) We have this crazy patient in our ward. He gets out of bed and tries to eat ALL the medicines in the cabinet and he tried to chew the lock off the dangerous drug cabinet...oh, and the whole time he did it, he was naked. This was an interesting plan, because due to his nudity none of the nurses really wanted to touch him to physically get him out of the treatment room.

2) He stinks of shit. After he was scrubbed by two brave male nurses, he STILL smelt of shit...even after they doused him in baby powder and shampooed his hair (which was stuck to his head with grime.) While this went on, he tried to beat up the nurses and insulted the Virgin Mary and tried to drown himself in his own bath water.

3) Due to his agressive and self mutilatory behaviour, he had to be restrained and tied to a chair. First we just put a sheet round his waist and tied it up at the back of the chair, but he managed to undo it and then proceed to get naked. We caught him and dressed him. This time we brought out the harness which provides full upper and lower body restraint.

4) He managed to get his arms free and started to slither off the chair, but his head couldnt get through the neck-hole of the harness and it started to act like a noose. The man turned purple and blue while the nursing officer and I grabbed his putrid feet and pushed him up to safety while the rest of the staff tied him up again.

5) While in the treatment room washing my hands I hear a familiar sound: *cough* *cough* ELOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! *pitter* *patter* *splatter*

6)Shit. Someone vomited. His bed was a mess of bright lemon-yellow vomit, it was on his gown, on the floor, in his hair, on his hands...and ofcourse the relative, who must have had a stroke of genius, instead of using the numerous vomit bags on his bedside table, used his bare hands to catch the mess.

7) Needless to say, this man had to be washed and settled all over again.

8) All of a sudden, the emergency buzzer in one of the rooms goes off and we all drop everything and run in that direction...only to find out that one of the less brilliant students tried his hand at inserting a nasogastric tube without supervision. Instead of going through the nostril and down to the stomach, it went through the nostril and OUT OF THE PATIENT'S MOUTH!

9) the problem was quickly remedied and order was restored.

Well, that's basically it. The hospital...its a full life.

Yet another round for the rat race

2006-01-22T22:05:00.000+01:00

This weekend was a full one, with dancing, drinking and thesis writing. Tomorrow I go back to my calling in life, helping sick people. However, this weekend I really got thinking.

Isn't it amazing at what a high esteem we hold people in the entertainment business? Actors, singers, footballers, supermodels. It makes no sense to me, the way we feel so honoured to be in some famous actor's presence or in the presence of a singer. Aren't they just people like you and I? The only difference they have is luck...being in the right place and at the right time. Singers do nothing to get their voice...they were born with it. Actors could go to acting school...yet if there isn't underlying talent then it won't work, therefore even they were born with their abilities...it all depends on luck. Yet these are the people we are in awe of, these are the people considered successful and worst of all...better than ourselves, the unfamous, the little people. Really and truly, we admire people because they do something which we feel we can't but would love to. But at the end of the day, these people did nothing to get the voice they have, or the talent they have or the looks. And once potential actors/singers hit the big time, they get the pay cheque to match.

And what about us nurses, who put ourselves in potential danger almost every day? Working with contagious and deadly diseases, hurting our backs and hands when lifting and handling patients...basically helping the unfortunate, helping people who can't be blamed for the state they are in. So where's my Oscar? Where's my Golden Globe? Where's my Grammy? Who is putting me on a platform and admiring me, feeling honoured to be in my presence, thinking their evening was a sucess because i decided to turn up?

Nobody. Except my patients, who I love. And I guess that's what matters the most because all in all, there is very little difference between the ill and the singers/actors/models...most of them did not do anything to get to the state they are in now... only the sick were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Good night everybody, much love.

I am slowly but surely beginning to hate my thesis

2006-01-19T21:33:00.000+01:00

grrrr! i need to find research studies about stoma care...i need to purchase them but i have no clue on how to use the rcn library and ordering forms and i don't know who i can turn to for help! there are articles everywhere, but i need research studies!

help somebody out there!

I found this drawing sweet

2006-01-17T22:26:00.000+01:00

shit,death,blood

2006-01-17T21:21:00.000+01:00

Today was rather...erm...eventful, yes.

For some reason us final students were not allocated our 4 patient to practice for our exam but were used as an extra pair of hands. When I tried to protest I was quickly shut up. I thought oh well, I wasn't even going to turn up at work today anyway and I might aswell get to know other patients on the ward rather than the usual 4-8 I take care of usually.

Therefore I took on Johnny, the patient in bed 24. He was a fully dependent patient, with a tube up his nose, in his vein and up his you-know-where. He had a stroke and he was totally paralysed and couldn't talk at all. And he was covered with blankets up to his nose. And my friend and I had to bathe this dude.

So I grabbed the top most blanket, the heaviest one and yanked it off the bed. What I did not know was that this man had pressure ulcers on his elbows and that the bandages were stuck to the blankets, therefore they were savagely yanked off aswell and there was blood everywhere. And I mean everywhere...all over my apron, my gloves, his mattress...

Oh my God, Oh my God, Lord help me, Oh Jesus. I ran to the treatment room to get saline, bandages and a sterile pack of swabs and proceeded to clean the carnage. That was crisis number one.

Crisis 2 and 3 were far worse. There was the most God awful smell radiating from his nappy. I put on gloves and decided to be a hero and open it up. Holy shit. Literally. It was the most severe case of melena I have ever seen in my life. For those not in the know, melena is copious amounts of bloody, liquidy faeces with a very offensive odour. It was like a large jar of Nutella exploded in his nappy. And, it was caked around his catheter. When I cleaned the catheter, there was blood all over the tubing which meant that he inevitably had a urinary tract infection or UTI...ie: his pee-hole was diseased.

Crisis 4: When we turned this patient over, he had a bedsore all over the tail of his spinal cord, exactly where the ass crack starts. When we pulled off the nappy in its entirity, the Hydrocolloid protecting the sore disintegrated and therefore the sore was also caked in shit and blood and decomposing skin. Whoever thought the human body could be so foul? So first I clean the shit (which was no easy task) and then I set to work on the bedsore. When it was all over, I threw the heavy and smelly nappy away and set to work dressing and positioning my patient.

That is when crisis number 5 took place. The doctor stuck his head in the door and I told him that the patient has severe melena and a possible UTI.

Doctor: can I see the nappy?
Me: Why?
Doctor: so I can see the melena.
Me: I threw it away...
Doctor: Yes...can you fetch it?
Me: What?! From the garbage filled with a whole mornings worth of shitty nappies and bandages? Thats round about 20 nappies!
Doctor: Yes...can you fetch it?
Me: You have got to be kidding.
Doctor: No I'm not, its really important.

So I dig into the garbage and after opening 4 incorrect nappies (yet all equally foul) I find the one formerly worn by my patient. I open it for the doctor.

Doctor: Yes....its melena. You can chuck it now.

I told him its fucking melena! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! sigh.

As if that wasn't enough, a relative came up to me and said "I don't know if I'm meant to tell you, but it looks like my mother isn't breathing." I went close to her and felt her carotid pulse and I felt the strangest feeling in my life...my heart skipped a beat because her pulse wasn't there. My colleague told me later that the expression on my face was comically surprised. "Did she leave us?" I replied "I'm afraid I think so." and I ran to call a qualified nurse and got the priest on the phone. I have experienced dying patients before, but this is the first time I actually felt the waxy feeling of skin, the cool numbness. I closed the patient's mouth and drew the curtains and called the doctor to declare her as dead.

I went home later with a migraine which i slept off. I woke up at around dinner time and helped make dinner with my dad for my mum and siblings. And I realised when I sat with my family and got off the phone with my boyfriend, what happens at hospital doesn't have to be brought home. It should be guiltlessly forgotten. Although somebody else's life is ending or had ended, mine goes on. Life goes on.

my many admirers

2006-01-16T21:35:00.000+01:00

Today I had to go to work as I do every monday morning and it didn't feel like the grizzly January day that it was, but more like Valentine's! There seemed to be admirers everywhere, desireable or not!

First of all, there was this one guy who I usually take care of and he got used to me and expected me to take care of him today too. Well, today I was allocated different patients and when I didn't attend to him (because I couldn't) he started snapping his fingers at me and shouting "Hey! Hey nurse Pica! Are you going to empty out this dirty water from my wash basin?"

I HATE it when people snap their fingers at me. "I'm coming, give me a second!" and when I had a minute, I took away his basin and tidied his area. "Ok, everything alright now?"

"Yes, thank-you," he said, "please, don't think I am trying to command you, I ask you because I like you, I think you're smart and sweet." I smiled, told him not to worry about it, rolled my eyes when I was out of his sight and kept on working at my usual nursing tasks.

Later on, I was at the treatment room door helping my friends put together a sterile trolley for a bone-marrow biopsy when I feel this tapping on my shoulder. I turn and find the little old man from bed 4.
"I have been discharged and I have come to say goodbye before I go."
"Oh, that's very sweet! Goodbye Alfie, you were a great patient."
"Nurse Pica you made my stay very pleasant..."
"Well that's a lovely thing to say to me..."
"...before I would fall asleep I would picture your kind, smiling face and the gentle touch of your hands..."

WHOA NELLY! I NEVER TOUCHED ANYONE!
"...erm...um...Alfie, why don't you go pack your things, your daughter is waiting for you."

Oh brother.

If the patients aren't making me the apple of their eye, their relatives look at me and try to match me up with their sons. Sometimes they murmur it under their breath when I come around to check on their loved ones:
"Psst...she would be nice for Charlie!"
or "Make sure to bring Simon around later and introduce him"
or "go introduce yourself, your not getting any younger and I want grand children!"

Do these people honestly believe I can't hear them? Just because I am paying attention to somebody else does not mean I have gone temporarily deaf.

Then there are those who are direct. Today my colleague and I worked a little miracle on a withering old lady...she was dying but over the weeks we nursed her back to health. When I instructed her relatives about a healthy hydration and nutrtition regime, her son piped up "You know, you're cute...I have a son your age, he'd be great for you!"

"Really?" I told him, "I wonder if my boyfriend will like him!"

Hah. It feels great to be adored.

footnote: if you are an admirer of my blog, you can now suscribe by putting in your email address in the suscription box. Enjoy!

you must all hear this song

2006-01-16T19:13:00.000+01:00

For full details click here:http://www.roughtraderecords2.com/bs

Honey lovin you is the greatest thing
I get to be myself and I get to sing
I get to play at being irresponsible
I come home late at night and I love your soul
I never forget you in my prayers
I never have a bad thing to report

You’re my picture on the wall
You’re my vision in the hall
You’re the one I’m talking to
When I get in from my work
You are my girl, and you don’t even know it
I am livin out the life of a poet
I am the jester in the ancient court
You’re the funny little frog in my throat

My eye sight’s fading, my hearing’s dim
I can’t get insured for the state I’m in
I’m a danger to myself I’ve been starting fights
At the party at the club on a Saturday night
But I don’t get disapproving from my girl
She gets the all highlights wrapped in pearls..

You’re my picture on the wall
You’re my vision in the hall
You’re the one I’m talking to
When I get in from my work

You are my girl, and you don’t even know it
I am livin out the life of a poet
I am the jester in the ancient court
You’re the funny little frog in my throat

I had a conversation with you at night
It’s a little one sided but that’s allright
I tell you in the kitchen about my day
You sit on the bed in the dark changing places
With the ghost that was there before you came
You’ve come to save my life again

I don’t dare to touch your hand I don’t dare to think of you
In a physical way
And I don’t know how you smell
You are the cover of my magazine
You’re my fashion tip, a living museum
I’d pay to visit you on rainy Sundays
I’ll maybe tell you all about it someday

What a dream!

2006-01-14T12:03:00.000+01:00

Last night i had the most fabulous dream.

I was wearing my favourite vintage polka-dot 1950's style skirt and a tight rust-coloured poloneck and black patent leather shoes. I was walking down republic street and all of a sudden the tune for Sinatra's "New York" blared from speakers and I started to sing in the most amazing voice I could muster.

as the song progressed i started dancing down the road and a crowd formed, amazed, bewildered, astounded at the very power of my voice and my ability to manipulate a crowd. They all started following me, dancing with me, all the way down republic street. And they were all people i know: nurses, tutors, lecturers, family, friends, my bf, my ex-bfs, patients, old people in wheelchairs; the works.

When i reached the ID cards place, i jumped on the wall which overlooks the sea, and sang the finale in such power and confidence that i almost startled myself:

"IT'S ALL UP TO YOU, NEW YORK!......NEWWWWWWWWWW YORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!"

The applause was thunderous, the wolf whistles broke the sound barrier and roses were all around me.

Then my dad screamed out "Its 9am, lazy! get up!" and I was back to the real world. Which sucked a bit. but oh well.

Spirituality and the Godfather

2006-01-13T19:25:00.000+01:00

We had to perform a presentation for spirituality today. We spent a whole day at a youth centre, it was freezing cold and we had to sit through a number of boring presentations from our colleagues until it was my turn. To add insult to injury, the chairs were the wooden folding sort. Just awful. I started feeling the wooden slats on my bum-bones.

Yes, quite my idea of hell.

However due to some originality of thought, our presentation was fabulous and I bet we all got A's...at least I hope so. We decided to start the presentation with an extract from the Godfather. An unusual choice, yes. My friend and I acted it out and it received thunderous applause. One would ask, why the Godfather? well the bit we portrayed was really relevant.

In any case, everyone knows the Godfather can take care of anything.

(I played the part of Cardinal Lamberto)

The courtyard of the abbey. Michael and Cardinal Lamberto are talking.

MICHAEL
I trusted this business arrangement with the archbishop. I trusted him, I was sure his honesty was beyond a doubt. But, as you see, I'm now the victim of a swindle. They're stalling me. Vast moneys have gone to the pezzonovante in high political places, and the Vatican bank is the guarantor.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
If uh, what you say is true, there will be a great scandal.

CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Look at this stone. It has been lying in the water for a very long time, but the water has not penetrated it.

CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Look. Perfectly dry. The same thing has happened to men in Europe. For centuries they have been surrounded by Christianity, but Christ has not penetrated. Christ doesn't breathe within them.

CARDINAL LAMBERTO
What's happened?
MICHAEL
Is it possible, that you could get me something sweet? Orange juice, anything, candy.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO (to a priest, in Italian)
"Please get some orange juice and candy..."
MICHAEL
Trouble with diabetes. Blood sugar levels must be low.

CARDINAL LAMBERTO
I understand.

MICHAEL
When I'm under stress sometimes this happens.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
I understand.
MICHAEL
I come to you, on such a delicate matter -- accusations against your Archbishop -- was difficult for me.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
The mind suffers and the body, cries out.
MICHAEL
That's true.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Would you like, to make your confession?
MICHAEL (laughs)
Your Eminence, I’m uh – I’m uh -- it's been so long, I wouldn't – wouldn’t – wouldn’t know where to uh, it's been thirty years, I'd – I’d – I’d use up too much of your time, I think.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
I always have time to save souls.
MICHAEL
Well, I'm -- I'm beyond redemption.

CARDINAL LAMBERTO (to the priest looking after Don Tommasino, in Italian)
"Give us a couple of minutes alone please – thanks…"

CARDINAL LAMBERTO
I hear the confessions of my young priests here. Sometimes the desire to confess is overwhelming. And we must seize the moment.
MICHAEL
What is the point of confessing, if I don't repent?
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
I hear you are a practical man. What have you got to lose? Huh?
(then, after a long pause)
Go on.
MICHAEL
I uh, I betrayed my wife.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Go on, my son.
MICHAEL
I betrayed myself.
(then)
I killed men.
(then)
And I ordered men to be killed.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Go on, my son, go on.
MICHAEL
Nah, it's useless.
CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Go on, my son.
MICHAEL
I killed -- I ordered the death of my brother. He injured me. I killed my mother’s son. I killed my father's son. (he breaks down in tears)

CARDINAL LAMBERTO
Your sins are terrible, and it is just that you suffer. Your life, could be redeemed, but I know that you don't believe that. You will not change.

first day back at work in 2006

2006-01-10T22:25:00.000+01:00

well, my ward hasn't changed one iota except that the new graduates have started working and i like seeing their new, fresh faces and most of all, knowing what it is going to be like when i graduate. that feeling of going home after work and sleeping guilt free because u have nothing to study, write or catch up on.

i simply can't wait for it to be me! i hope my day comes!

Good-bye another weekend

2006-01-08T21:49:00.000+01:00

Right now my life is in this really static phase and its going to be this way for a while. I feel bored and like I have nothing to look forward to.

Today I feel like my usual bouncy optimism has been drained out of me. Tomorrow I go back to my ward and I will have to check all my week-end's emotional baggage at the door and put on a brave and happy face amidst all the sickness and suffering.

When I was a teen I used to say that i hate my life and all that angsty crap which usually makes me nauseous. But really and truly, at this moment 21.55h at 21 years old, i honestly feel like my life kind of sucks.

new years resolution

2006-01-06T17:50:00.000+01:00

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Take a shower.

Get your resolution here

cat fight!

2006-01-06T16:59:00.000+01:00

so nero jumps on my bed and sits on my favourite scarf, sinks his teeth in and starts sucking like there's no tomorrow. Elsa was sitting on the floor, looking up expectantly. since i dislike nero, i snatch my scarf from his mouth and push him off the bed, making room for elsa. as soon as elsa sits comfortably and i turn my back, i suddenly hear:

THUD

"MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRR!"
"HISSS! HISS! HISS!"
"GROWWWWWWWWWWWLLL!"

to which i reply:

"You stupid cats, stop fighting on my fucking bed before you maim me and each other!"

Both cats give a stupid look at me and then at each other. Nero saunters off the bed and Elsa falls asleep.

Order is restored.

last weekend of fun

2006-01-06T16:17:00.000+01:00

well, i managed to fix all my thesis stuff! hurrah! everything worked out fine! my quest to become a nurse is on the ball once again. woo hoo!

today is the official last day of holidays, and in all honesty i am not sorry...in a way i wish i didnt have holidays because i kind of lost the routine i had started and i need to focus on hospital stuff all over again. i don't think it will be too difficult, i start work at 7am monday morning as usual and i'm looking forward to getting back to the grind.

i managed to lose weight due to gym, lost a dress size so now im just about a size 12 which makes me v happy, but as usual it is not good enough for my mum who just told me that my clothes look way too tight for me and that im living a lie...and then she asked me if im pregnant!

well, whatever. i am most certainly looking forward to a lovely evening with my man, sort of the last time to enjoy myself a little before the hardcore studying starts. however, i think i will go out twice a week...but i need to stay focussed, its the key to success.

i found out that we are probably going to be provisionally employed in august...so one day i am a student and the next i am an actual nurse, which is scary and fabulous all at the same time...in may finals, in april we give in our thesis...its all coming together really...in july the final practical...

Paranoid interlude: its always been my ultimate dream to graduate, to stand up there with my degree, nothing in the world could possibly make me happier. however, i have noticed that whenever i want something so badly, i never get it due to some fuck up, which would not be my fault. i want to graduate...

Voice of reason: STOP BEING PARANOID! YOU WILL GRADUATE! NOW SHUT-UP AND GO DO SOMETHING ENJOYABLE!

so true...i'm off to read. ta ta!

very worried indeed

2006-01-05T19:37:00.000+01:00

oh dear, oh dear. my thesis is on conditional acceptance...this frightens me. Apparentally its because I am not allowed to contact the subjects of my interviews myself but the stoma nurse has to. so i have to fix my proposal and hunt down the stoma nurse to see if she will do me this favour. I know she most definitely will, but im still worried. I bet im the only person in the course to have a ridiculous problem like this!

even though i know this won't happen, but if she doesn't accept to contact my subjects, my thesis is ruined and i would have done hours of wrk for nothing!

oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

holidays are over

2006-01-03T13:02:00.000+01:00

well, what a way to start the new year! on the 2nd of january, my tutor calls me up at 8am and said:

"Good morning Pica and happy new year. Holidays are over, I hope you have some work to show me, I am on duty on tuesday and wednesday, on both days you must come and present work to me, on tuesday it must be a revised version of your tool on wednesday it must be your methodology ok? Nice talking to you, see you tuesday!"

and with that, i hung up the phone, showered, dressed, drank a monsterous amount of coffee and set to work. i thank god for this tutor, i'd like to be her protogee!

and there go my holidays, flushed down the toilet!

a funny conversation

2005-12-31T17:52:00.000+01:00

yesterday, my man and i went to the cinema. whilst in the lobby, the following discussion took place:

Manfriend: Oh, you look really beautiful 2nite
me: thank-you
Manfriend: Your clothes and hair really suit you.
me: awww, thank-you.
Manfriend: you look so nice in the jewellery i gave you.
me: oh thank-you.

Manfriend: Pica, stop saying thank-you.
me: why? you payed me a compliment, so i said thank-you.
Manfriend: yes, but you say thank-you like its the first time we have ever met!
me: really?
Manfriend: yes, try this (reaches out and shakes my hand)Why, hello Nurse Pica, glad to make your accquaintance! my, thats a lovely watch you're wearing!
me: (still shaking hands) why thank-you....oh my god, you are absolutely right!
Manfriend: told you so.
me: i must change it (thinks a bit) ok, i have an alternative to "oh thank-you". now think of another compliment to give me...
Manfriend: ok...nice coat!
me: thats not a compliment to me, YOU bought me this coat!
Manfriend: heheh, I know, but i can't just think of compliments on demand, it has to come naturally.

(silence)

Manfriend: You have a very pretty face...

*MY BIG MOMENT*

me: why, i most certainly appreciate that.

*PAUSE*

Manfriend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

oh well. at least i tried.

weirdest. job. ever.

2005-12-29T20:31:00.000+01:00

Its all over

2005-12-28T11:18:00.000+01:00

Thank goodness christmas is over and order has been restored in my household. things usually get crazy around here, but never quite as overwhelming as christmas.

yesterday i went to watch the lion, the witch and the wardrobe. it was fabulous, i remembered the novel bit by bit and it was such a nostalgic walk down memory lane. and ofcourse i started to think of the hospital because there are many parallelisms.

in both narnia and hospital, great things can happen, horrible things can happen and its all really a question of courage and persistance. Going into hospital at 7am almost every morning is like entering a different world, where you need to forget your regular life and deal with the matters at hand. and at 7pm, when you walk back into the real world, you realise that nothing really has changed, life went on as it always did.

i have decided that i will begin my studying and coursework after new years day. let all the hulabaloo pass, and let my parents get back to work so i can do things quietly. after new years day, the word fun will vanish from my vocabulary because i have to prepare for finals. and then i qualify and enter the working world! how wonderful!

or is it?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

2005-12-25T09:56:00.000+01:00

Its 10am, i walked in from a party at 3am so I am a little dazed. I had fun though.

mela, mela, mela...presents!! i received:

a beautiful short double breasted green coat from my man
a flower pendant from my man's parents
fuzzy blue slippers from my sis
bright blue suede boots and nursing shoes from my mum
a funky pair of trousers from my bro
a lovely black evening dress from my dad.

very nice indeed. at the moment there is a tremendous amount of tension in the house. I get the feeling my mum is frightened of my nanna, which makes me a little sad because after all, my gran is a pathetic and senile old woman and my mum is formidable and tireless and has more energy than...well, myself!

and depicted in this post are the fabulous blue boots my mum got me, currently on my feet and in the background are my sisters fuzzy blue slippers.

in about 2 hrs my gran and grampa will come. i hope they will behave themselves. I'm not too fond of my gran...she is shit scared of Nero, so i think i'll get him to sit on her lap.

On my playlist i have peter,paul and mary's ''puff the magic dragon'' and its very soothing. I wouldn't mind being in the land of Honah Lee right now. I bet they don't celebrate christmas.

well, i have to go to my gran's house now to collect my loot...i mean presents...i hope they give me cash because i don't think i will be able to pay my computer loan this month and i don't want to ask my dad for money and even less my mum. then the golden oldies come to my house to criticize our "feng shwei" or however its spelt, rearrange our furniture, open our cupboards to see what we own and complain about my dad's cooking, which by the way will be superb, better than a restauraunt.

so if my gran causes this much tension, why do we invite them over? well, because they are family and we must cherish them while they are still alive....

and the fact that they have oodles of cash is not a hindering factor either.

well everybody, merry christmas and have a good one. love one another.

I hate christmas in my house.

2005-12-23T18:45:00.000+01:00

so, my mother is acting like a psychopathic freak because on xmas day my gran is coming for lunch, ie her mother in law. therefore she brings everyone down and nags,nags,NAGS until you want to scream "SHUT UP BITCH! YOU ARE GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE! SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!"

At the moment I am in a Wizard of Oz phase, i watched the original 2 days ago (and loved it loads as an adult) and today i tried to watch return to oz, the disney sequel based on Baum's Ozma of Oz. Well, it was fabulous when i was finally able to watch it, which was at 3 in the afternoon because my mum wouldnt shut up. i waited until she was having an afternoon nap. every time i tried to press play to continue watching this morning, she would come into the living room and squawk about...well, basically nothing at all, just to hear the sound of her own voice i guess. it irritated me so much. nothing irritates me more than when people talk while i am trying to watch tv or some dvd...haqalla, go in another room, selfish bitch! if i am watching a movie, i dont like to be disturbed, the sky could be falling, the apocalypse could be near, just let me watch my fucking movie!

she was bugging us so much, that my bro, dad and myself ran out of the house, hardly telling her good-bye. this was 11.30. we came back at 3.45, she was asleep so she couldn't irritate us. this is becoming insane. Actually, that ship has sailed....this IS insane!

well, on a funnier note, ysterday i had to take care of an indian patient and he was the sweetest, most quiet guy i ever met. while taking him for an ultrasound, i accidentally crashed into the wall and when i apologised he said "Oh, don't worry, little nursie! I know you didnt do it on purpose!" however, that was only mistake number one. instead of his temperature being 100.4 i read it as 104. that was mistake number 2, and i apologised and he was very good natured about it. then i went to set up his IV drip. He said:

"Oki, little nursie, u make mistake with temperature, and thats fine. you crash into wall with me, and that's fine too. just don't make mistakes with my veins!"

"dont worry hon, i wont, i wont."

lol. i love my work.

oh, and...

2005-12-20T21:52:00.000+01:00

a bit of honesty...i was really sorry to see no feed back on the cockroach story...i really enjoyed writing it, i hoped someone out there enjoyed reading it.

a normal day

2005-12-20T21:44:00.000+01:00

today was very normal. i dont come across them much nowadays.

so i guess a normal day is quite abnormal to me...ho ho ho! went christmas shopping with my brother because he is quite rubbish at buying presents and i managed to find some decent stuff. we saw a friend who we haven't seen in quite a while and he has changed, but seems happier so thats great.

had a sort of fight/argument with my man but now everything is ok...i mean, why should we fight? christmas is a time for peace and love.

my back is hurting me so much. i can't carry anything, everything is too heavy. i couldnt even do a whole hour at the gym yesterday. it aches in that hard-to-reach-place in between my shoulders. one of the reasons why i started going to a gym in the first place was to strengthen my body for carrying patients. i hope its working.

well, i am off to watch scrubs. gn!

How cool is that!

2005-12-18T19:32:00.000+01:00

how cool! i did a rock chick quiz and im the beautiful and talented PJ Harvey. yeah, i rule!

roach

2005-12-17T22:59:00.000+01:00

As I was brushing my teeth before going out, I saw this awful brown thing lurking about my mouth. At first I ignored it, but before I knew it, I saw two pointy things wiggling about. I screamed and spat it out on the bathroom counter. I screamed again when I realised it was a great big, auburn, crunchy cockroach.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! EEEEEEK!"

"Do stop screaming, you're giving me a headache!" exclaimed the roach.

My fear changed to curiousity. "You can talk?"

"Well, you yap so much it isn't much of a wonder that I managed to pick up a few things, apart from the bacteria residing in your molars." replied the cockroach.

Oh Lord. Someone must have spiked my tooth paste. I checked the tube. It was brand new. I looked back at the counter and the cockroach was still there, pacing up and down.

"Look, bastard, what were you doing in my mouth? I clearly DON'T remember swallowing you!"
"Ah, no you don't...you were only a wee child when you picked me up in your little sticky fingers and placed me in your mouth. No teeth had you, therefore I was not chewed to my death!"
"However did you manage to keep yourself a secret?" I asked in disbelief.
"Ah, not only am I eloquent, but I am also a keen player of your human game hide and seek!" he replied.

"You suck!"
"Well, technically speaking I regurgitate on my food and then absorb it" said the revolting roach, "and now, if you please I would rather like to go back to my comfy place behind your left carnassal."
"You most certainly won't! Be gone, swine!"
"Insect, not swine, totally different animal classification."

What an impetuous jerk of a creature. "You see," said the roach, "I will get back into your mouth. I control you. I play mind games of the worst kind. I am your greatest phobia. Why don't you ever go get a glass of water from the kitchen at night, even if you are dying of thirst? Why do you prefer to buy a new bottle of fairy liquid rather than pick up the one in the cupboard under the stove? Why do you always wear boots when visiting the streets of your capital city at night and avoid it in summer when you wear sandals? BECAUSE OF ME! ME!ME! ME!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He was right. He was absolutely right. He had absolute power over my mental state. I had no choice but to open my mouth.

Then I remembered something.

SQUISH!

I was bigger than him. Much bigger. I wiped my boot, put on my coat and walked out the door.

saturday night

2005-12-17T20:36:00.000+01:00

well, its saturday night and i'm still indoors deciding what i'm going to do with myself. i remember my sixth form days when i really, really used to look forward to the weekend, i would plan what to wear by wednesday or buy something new with the pennies i had. hair was blow-dried, make-up was worn. we'd be off to Paceville, the land of booze and cock and fun, fun, fun. Paceville was like a stage with a different performance each week and it was imperative to keep up to date with it all.

now its different. i couldn't care less that its saturday night. its just like any other night really...the only real advantage is that i dont have to wake up the next day for clinical practice because i am still a student and i don't work sundays. when i qualify i wont even have that.

is it because i am growing old and maturing? lately i have realised that the way i think has really changed and i don't know whether to blame or attribute adulthood. i am constantly being told i am so young, yet i honestly don't feel that way. i think about housing, mortgages, do i want kids, if so how many and how many will i afford, being a mother, if my butt is getting too big, how much weight will i gain when i get pregnant, will i make a good nurse, what if i get sued for malpractice...the list really doesn't end. now, don't regular 21 yr olds think about when they are next gonna get drunk, which celebrity has the nicest ass and how they are going to change the world by sitting on comfy sofa's and applauding Bono as he shakes hands with the pope on MTV?

i dont know. it all just isn't for me anymore. i'm preoccupied with other stuff. not necessarily more important stuff...just more relevant. does that make me boring kid or a responsible adult? and which of those would i rather be?

the truth is i'd rather be neither...but whatever i am, i can safely say i'm pretty happy as a person.

(and once again the eternal optimist ends on a pleasant note!)

ungrateful asshole

2005-12-16T16:49:00.000+01:00

yesterday i was in charge of conducting a transfer, because a patient had to move from his current ward (the one im working in) to a surgical ward. this involves getting the patient to pack up his stuff, taking him to his new ward and giving the nurses there some info about him. but ofcourse since i had to carry out this operation, it wasn't that simple.

in order to pack his things, this guy placed all his belongings on the bed first. i swear, he had enough stuff to start a small quarter master store. fruit, games, cards, clothes, shaving items, toileteries, juices in cartons, chocolate, biscuits...you name it, he had it. One of the diploma students looked at his bed and started singing under his breath "Lira biss, lira biss, kollox lira biss" Victor proceeded to put each item in an individual plastic bag, which ofcourse is unpractical as it is difficult to carry 101 things at once. therefore i made a suggestion. i picked up a large garbage bag and i said:

"Well, Victor, how about putting all your stuff in here so we can carry everything to your new ward?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU STUPID NURSE! IDIOT! NO, BITCH!"

such rudeness still does not fail to take me aback.

"Listen Victor, you can't talk to me like that. Show some class!" (you ignorant bastard)

"OH GO TO HELL! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! I SAY WHAT I LIKE! YOU COW!"

i got MAD.

"OK, FINE! I DON'T HAVE TO HELP YOU! IT ISNT EVEN MY JOB! I KNOW HOW TO BE AS UNPLEASANT AS YOU IF I WANT TO BE AND IF PROVOKED! IM NOT YOUR SLAVE! AND I WONT BE GOING TO HELL, YOU WILL!" and i walked out.

Arse-smear. I sure showed him.

reach for the sun

2005-12-15T21:17:00.000+01:00

i really like the polyphonic spree, they make me feel so happy and good to be alive and all that kind of mushy stuff. today my day was really rather stressful, so i guess ill reach for the sun cuz 2moro is another day after all

Light And day
Is more than you'll say
Cause allMy feelings
Are more
Than I can let by
Or not
More than you've got
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN
(1:17) (orchestral pandemonium)
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're done
Just follow the seasons, and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're done
Just follow the seasons, and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don't see me flying into the red one more you're nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!

these guys were chosen by david bowie to front the divine comedy (my fave band) and the music is so uplifting and really apt for an eternal optimist like me.

yesterday i watched sex and the city and it really touched me. there was a bit where carrie and charlotte went to a self-help seminar and carrie really stuck up for charlotte when the leader of the seminar dismissed her problems to a lack of trying. through carrie's, well, caring, charlotte found her eternal optimism once again. which sex in the city character are you? i think i am a blend of charlotte and carrie...

i guess my optimism comes from the fact that my school life was so awful and every night i would tell myself oh well, tomorrow's another day and this is a time that will pass. and it did. and i said that things will definitely get better. and they did. so i do try to be optimistic because even when things are really, really bad, there is always a small fraction of light. all it takes is a little persistance and the ultimate conviction that all the answers are within reach.

good night everyone and much love.

we three queens of orient are...

2005-12-13T18:12:00.000+01:00

and so this is christmas...

2005-12-13T16:55:00.000+01:00

well, today im on holiday so im enjoying staying home and not having to go to work, even though the weather is quite depressing...it hasnt stopped raining all day and in malta, if it rains, the whole country stops functioning and proceeds to flood and unless you own a landrover you are basically stuck. mais qu'est-ce qu'on faire?

lately i have been feeling a little fed up because i just want this course to finish, i want my degree and i want to start working and start concentrating on my life. i know that must sound a little odd, but at the moment my thoughts are swamped with academia and there are other things i need to think about and want to think about but there is just no room for in my brain. im almost 22 and i feel like i want to start my career as a nurse and even though there are only a few months left, i am slowly but surely running out of patience. i am exhausted almost all the time and everyone i encounter seems to want something from me...my patients, my age-ing parents, my younger sister, my tutors at school, my colleagues and my friends. its always more of this, less of that, get it done on time, if you don't you're done for, your a BSc student so we expect alot of you....

The problem is i feel like i have run dry and i have given all i have to give and now people are just taking and leaving me in the red. i just feeling like screaming out "STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!" and taking a deep breath or two. i feel like a big pressure cooker and i need to let out my steam. God that sounds sexual.

On a more positive note, my clinical practice is going great, every day i feel more and more prepared for this final exam. my thesis is going along fine though it is a bit of a headache and things between me and my man are good too. i feel like we have reached a sort of comfort zone, where we can appreciate each other's silences and basically bask in them. we have come to accept each other's differences and realise that these are the things that brought us together in the first place. if we were exactly the same, we would never progress in life. i will not call him my better half, i believe 1 and 1 make 2. however i do believe that two minds are better than one and by exposing each other to different schools of thought we benefit as 2 people and as 2 lovers. and right now i am more in love than ever.

i think i'll leave it at that for today. but a few words before i depart:

1)those of you who comment on my blog, i thank you all with all my heart and graces (even you who choose to remain annonymous and write lude and sick things). i like to see my writing appreciated. i wish that you would all, however, tell me who you are and how you know me and how you got to hear about my blog.

2)its the holiday season, a very stressful time of the year, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. just make an effort to love one another and to keep a well-wishing attitude.

Good tidings i bring to you and your kin, i wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year.

the necessary christmas post

2005-12-09T20:09:00.001+01:00

wow, haven't posted in ages! well, the xmas season is here, so i guess it is only right to post last year's xmas edition of nurselife, since i have not written one this year...this year i will write a new year's day edition...provided i am not too hung over. enjoy everybody!

The Christmas episode

Like every great series to exist, in order to make it complete, there needs to exist the Christmas episode…Charles Dickens had A Christmas Carol, JK Rowling never fails to mention Christmas in her precious Harry Potter stories, I bet even Enid Blyton's Famous Five would have a Christmas episode if only all their adventures wouldn't conveniently crop up during the summer months when these remarkable children do not have to go to school. The point is, Christmas is here, its in our face and even though I dislike the season, Nurse life is not going to escape from it.

So far, I have never actually had to work on Christmas day since I am still a student so I really do not know what goes on there on that day. And to be entirely honest, I'm not exactly itching to find out. Yet Christmas is really all about the season rather than just the day.

In the old age home I am placed in at the moment, in my particular ward they put up decorations. It's a nice gesture, but since most of the patients are blind or getting there, it is really quite a futile effort. I remember stumbling upon Liliana, who is 95, engaging in quite a heated argument with a nasty plastic Santa Claus.

"Hello. How are you? You are new, right?" Liliana said to Mr Plastic Santa.
Strangely enough, Mr Plastic Santa did not answer.
"Hello? Do you need to turn on your hearing aid? Hello! How rude! You snob! You are supposed to make friends over here!" and Liliana promptly started beating Santa with her walking stick.

I was standing at the desk, watching with mild amusement. At the moment I am studying abuse and the elderly and I was a little worried that my paper was out of point because I wrote about abuse towards the elderly…I didn't mention a thing about abuse of the elderly towards life-size plastic figurines. In any case, I had to intervene because Santa's head obtained a dent so large that one can eat soup out of it.

"Liliana, lets go watch some TV, how does that sound? There's your favourite cooking show on…"
"Yes thank-you. Some of the residents here are very rude!"
"You're absolutely right, it's a pity we all aren't civilized like you."

I walked her to her favourite chair and turned on the TV to her favourite cooking show, not that it made a difference because in this home she is able to cook just about as much as she is able to see, but anyway it made her happy because she slipped a cuboidal object into my pocket. I thought great, chocolate. I went to the treatment room to see what goodie I got only to realize it was a box of hemorrhoid cream.

Of course, being a student nurse does not only entail practice but lectures as well and trust me; the university campus was exploding with Christmas spirit. As soon as I approached the steps leading to the quadrangle I was deafened with the sound of Christmas carols: "Feeeeed the Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllld! DO THEY KNOW ITS CHRISTMAS TIME AT ALLLLLLLLLL!?"

Do they know I have a headache? SHUT UP!! Before I stuff those speakers so far up your arse that you will require a crane to remove them. Then a member of the student council came up to me wearing an idiotic Christmas hat shaking a can in my face asking if I will give a donation. I said no. Usually I would but that day I had a migraine and I just wanted to get to my lecture and scram. He kept pestering me.

"Oh come on, don't you have a heart?"
"Yes, I happen to possess one of those things…mine is made of the finest stone this side of the island."
"Oh come on, don't be a scrooge!"

I got mad.

"Listen asshole, I work very, very hard for my money and I really do not get much of it. Are you dumb or something? Asking broke students to just give away the little cash that they have? What kind of a moron are you? And while we are on the subject, exactly how much did YOU donate? Why not return those stupid speakers and use the money to FEEEEED the WORRRRRLD?"

He did not know what to say. So he scurried off in the opposite direction. I felt so good. Served the bastard right.

Unfortunately, Christmas is also a family affair so I have to visit my nearest and dearest whether I like it or not. One would think that on this holy day I would be excused of the company of the elderly but no, my grandparents will be there, pinching my cheeks and telling me how much I have grown. Now this is an impossibility because I am 20 and I have stopped growing at least 2 years ago, but anyway.

For some reason, at the dinner table I am always seated opposite my grandmother, with my mother on my left and my five-year-old cousin to my right. In other words, I have my grandmother spewing both food and stupidities in one direction, my mother complaining about how she would much rather be at home in the other and my cousin conducting an experiment on exactly how many stuffed olives will fit in my non-existent cleavage. The fun never stops.

Well, Christmas is five days away and I wonder what this year will bring. My mother has problems with her gall bladder, so her diet is very restricted and that means Christmas dinner is going to be torture because how can I eat turkey and cake while she stares down at a plate of marrows? At least I have all my presents bought and wrapped and under the tree, which this year is very tiny and bauble-less because last year my cat tried to make din-din out of the ornaments.

It makes me sad to think that Christmas is made such an ordeal of. Do we honestly really have nothing to look forward to anymore? To make a whole season out of just one day? To spend so much money and practically change our lives for about a month just for this one blessed day which is over and done with in 24 hours? It is so funny, because at Christmas time it is when most people argue and fight and feel financial tension. It really doesn't make any sense. Christmas, New years and Valentines Day…also known as the misery trimester. Yet by moping about it, one gets nothing so like most things in life, one just has to take the bull by the horns and make the best of it.

And with that, dear readers, I will leave you the Christmas episode of nurse life. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

eugh this is sick!

2005-11-29T20:07:00.000+01:00

some '70's paedo-lesbian action here:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/periods101.html

Being polite is tough when faced with the idiots you happen to know

2005-11-29T19:29:00.000+01:00

So, a few days ago, as i finished my shift, i met a friend of mine who recently broke her arm as she was coming out of hospital. the following discussion ensued:

Idiotic occurence No.1
Me: Hi Jane!
Jane: Oh, hello. I broke my arm

Yes, i suppose the huge cast was not an obvious enough sign...

Idiotic occurence No.2

Jane was carrying an excessively heavy bag with the broken arm. I needed to instruct her to place her bag in her other non-broken arm.

Jane: OH! so THAT'S why my hand has been getting so swollen!

Idiotic occurence No.3
Jane: So do you have any advice for me?

Yeah, dont fucking strain it with heavy bags!!

What i really said:

Me: try to rest it, when sitting place it on a pillow.
Jane: so i guess i should use the sling i was given, right?

Oh Lord.

Idiotic occurence no.4 (and by far the worst of the lot)

Me: Good-bye Jane and take care of yourself.
Jane: I sure will.

then i got an inkling...it was a piece of very obvious advice...but one thing you learn in nursing is TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED.

Me: Make sure you dont stick anything in the cast to scratch yourself with because you could do irrepairable damage! WARNING: THIS LINK IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART AS IT SHOWS ULCERATION OF THE WORST KIND, WITH GANGRENE AND EXPOSED BONE, WHICH IS WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO SELF-INFLICTED WOUNDS WHICH FESTER BENEATH PLASTER CASTS DUE TO SCRATCHING WITH KNITTING NEEDLES, PENCILS, RULERS ECT.

Jane turned red. "well, i only did it once! bye bye!"

holy shit. i think i could have banged my head against a wall! the thing is, she should have been instructed about these kinds of things and she most obviously was not...or else she simply ignored what was told to her...actually, that was most probably the case.

sigh.

too funny

2005-11-29T19:11:00.000+01:00

this story is hilarious!

yes, i have resorted to reading these stories because i am in bed and bored. i hate being sick...but i do love my lap-top...and i have already written 900 wrds of my assignment! yee ha!

God, I'm a nerd.

the nurse is sick

2005-11-29T16:32:00.000+01:00

Lord i hate being sick. but it comes part and parcel with this job. yesterday mary coughed all over me, and josie sneezed in my face, so i guess it was inevitable. not to mention, the other student who is placed with me in my ward is also sick so im quite certain its from a patient. at the moment there is a ton of gastritis and bronchitis going about, so readers, please be careful and keep yourselves healthy. if you have not taken your 'flu shot yet, do so before you get one of those 2 illnesses because you can't take the injection while on antibiotics or while you are sick.

so here i am feeling entirely useless in bed, writing my blog and reading online comics, which rule by the way. im also researching an assignment on teaching and learning, so i guess im being at least a little productive.

my man came home from London and bought me the coolest hat, a beret with butterflies all over the front...its v cute. ofcourse whenever i wear it i get stared at by maltese adolescent girls who have no taste nor originality, but since thats the norm, i tend to stick out like a sore thumb. well, in this case, thats a GOOD thing!

well then, i am off to continue writing my assignment and eat some oranges. ah, the beauty of the lap-top...i work whilst in bed!

Yes, your majesty.

2005-11-24T17:51:00.000+01:00

So today the queen came to Malta. I was at work, but when things got a little slow, I sat down with Josephine and watched her walk down the red carpet on a little portable television set on the night-stand.

Josephine: She's an old lady!
Me: Why, yes she is.
Josephine: Just like me!

I took a look at the chipped, sickly colour of the ward's walls, Josephine's snoring roomate, I smelt the ever-present odor of shit and urine. My eyes then settled on her cheap and freshly soiled night-shirt and the green,plastic rosary bead in her hand.

Yes, Josie. Just like you.

small town boy

2005-11-23T14:48:00.000+01:00

Bronski Beat-Small Town Boy

You leave in the morning
With everything you own
In a little black case
Alone on a platform
The wind and the rain
On a sad and lonely face

Mother will never understand
Why you had to leave
But the answers you seek
Will never be found at home
The love that you need
Will never be found at home

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.

Pushed around and kicked around
Always a lonely boy
You were the one
That they'd talk about around town
As they put you down

And as hard as they would try
They'd hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them
Just to your soul
No you never cried to them
Just to your soul

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.

Cry , boy, cry...

You leave in the morning
With everything you own
In a little black case
Alone on a platform
The wind and the rain
On a sad and lonely face

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

There's something about Mary

2005-11-23T13:53:00.000+01:00

I have half of my thesis ready, my clinical practice is doing fine and my working out at the gym has paid off because my trousers are getting less snug around the waist-line. Yeah, so far so good.

Even my patients seem to be...well...patient. They have been extraordinarily kind in the past few weeks. Yet the patient who really captures my heart is Mary. She's this little old granny and she is completely demented, but sometimes she says some things that make sense. When things get a little slow, I sit next to her and chat a bit.

Me: Hi Mary...what's up?
Mary: God.
Me: Excuse me?
Mary: God is up in heaven.
Me: Well, I suppose he is.
Mary: Yes. He is.

I must admit, chatting to Mary always takes a bit of a surreal turn. Sometimes she tells me little bits about her life.

Me: Hi Mary.

I do not ask her what's up anymore. Instead I pick up a book from her bedside table.

Me: Are you reading this?
Mary: No, my daughter reads to me. I have forgotten how to read to myself. I can't see properly anyway.
Me: Well, I can read it to you until your daughter comes.
Mary: Yes, you can. Why don't I see properly?
Me: Well, as we get older certain things become a little more difficult...
Mary: No, that's not why. Its because I had typhus during the war and it attacked my eyes.
Me: Oh, my goodness, I had no idea. I'm very sorry.
Mary: Have you ever had typhus?
Me: Can't say I have actually.
Mary: Good, you don't want it.

And of course, Mary's words of wisdom.

Mary: My tummy hurts. I feel hot.
Me: Ok, I will take your temperature.

I put the thermometre under her arm. We wait together in silence. After some minutes, I remove the thermometre..

Me: Well, Mary, you don't seem to have a fever, but I will give you a vomit bag and tell the doctor.
Mary: Yes. No fever means no infection.
Me: That's absolutely right.
Mary: If the thermometre says no fever, then I am not infected because the thermometre does not lie. The thermometre only knows how to tell the truth. When it doesn't, its because its broken, then it must be thrown away.
Me: I can't deny that.
Mary: When people are broken, they lie.

I just nodded. Its amazing, how sometimes these patients suffering from dementia make more sense than the qualified staff.

Sigh. Hail Mary, full of grace.

Monday, monday here again

2005-11-20T21:23:00.000+01:00

Well yeah, its sunday really, but my general activity for today has pretty much ended and 2moro im off to the ward again.

the weather has become cold and i can't help thinking about some of my patients. one in particular has no family, nobody visits her to bring her clothes and suchlike so she wears a nappy and a hospital gown, though she is fully independent and continent. its getting cold, too cold to run around in a nappy and a backless gown. i spent my afternoon looking for a cardigan around the house, one that could fit her. I found her an old blue one, i hope it will be fine for her. i wish i could buy all my patients a cardigan.

i spent the morning with my man since 2moro he is off to london with the band he's the manager of. we went for a chinese lunch, just me and him, and it was good fun. sometimes we both get wrapped up with the daily demands of our lives and we forget to have fun. today was great. if i had money i would prob go with him. at the moment nothing is really keeping me in malta...at university i am not doing anything that requires any particular strain and as for work i can easily make up the hours on the weekend. damn it.

Some jokers left some crude yet amusing comments on one of my blogs...will one of you explain to me how to make a cunt salad? or is it that a woman's private areas resemble some kind of vegetable? a pimento, perhaps? An artistic ounce of iceberg lettuce? Will it still be so appetizing after you shit on it? Enlighten me.

well, im off to make a cup of tea and watch Frasier on DVD...Because I don't know what to do about those tossed salads and scrambled eggs!

distant sun

2005-11-18T11:45:00.000+01:00

Distant Sun
Distant Sun
Written By N. Finn
Tell me all the things you would change
I don't pretend to know what you want
when you come around and spin my top
time and again, time and again

No fire where I lit my spark
I am not afraid of the dark
Where your words devour my heart
And put me to shame, put me to shame

When your seven worlds collide
Whenever I'm by your side
Dust from a distant sun
will shower over everyone

Still so young to travel so far
Old enough to know who you are
Wise enogh to carry the scars
Without any blame, there's no one to blame

It's easy to forget what you learned
Waiting for the thrill to return
Feeling your desire burn
And drawn to the flame

When your seven worlds collide
Whenever I'm by your side
Dust from a distant sun
will shower over everyone
Dust from a distant sun
will shower over everyone

And I'm lying on the table
Washed out in a flood
Like a Christian feeling vengeance from above
I don't pretend to know what you want
But I offer love

Seven worlds will collide
Whenever I'm by your side
Dust from a distant sun
Will shower over everyone

some facts about moi!

2005-11-16T20:06:00.000+01:00

well, since there is more to me than simply being a nurse, i decided to steal one of these fact thingies from my bro's blog. enjoy your new found info about moi! woo hoo!

1. Name:Marie...my mum wanted to call me gloria, my dad colette but then my mum wanted mary and my dad thought that was low-class so they went with Marie.

2. Your Nickname: Pica or Nurse Pica. I gave myself this nick because i was on a forum and i called myself picadillycircus, so pica for short.

3. Middle Name: Yvonne. my sister is named yvonne and my grandma is named yvonne. there's no originality in the world.

4. Place of Birth: Winnipeg, Manitoba. I was such a cute baby that i was used as a model for the new mums on how to bathe a baby! yes, my big bum is famous!

.5. Zodiac Sign: Pisces

6. Male or Female: female.

7. Age:21. if i remained in canada i'd still be having my very first taste of alcohol!

.8. School: Sacred heart. didnt like it.

9. Birthday: March 12th.

10. Residence: Malta. Sometimes its cool, sometimes infuriating.

11. Screen Name: Nurse Pica.

__Your Appearance___

12. Hair Color: brown, like shit.

13. Hair Long or Short: long-ish, curly/unruly

14. Eye Color: brown, like shit

15. How do ur nails look:long with chipped lilac nail polish.

16. Height: 5'5"

17. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, my man :)

18. Do you like yourself: yes. but sometimes i dont...but those times are rare.

19. Smile: I feel pretty when i do...and thats all the time!

20. Think your skinny: Nope, i have a big butt...but im not fat.

21. Piercings: both ears and an extra one on my right lobe. i'd love to pierce my nose, but i heard it becomes hell when u get a cold.

22. Tattoos:I like them, but they r a bit too permanent. not to mention, im afraid of hepatitis from the needles, not to mention HIV

23. Righty or Lefty: righty.

___Your 'Firsts'___

24. First Kiss: a boy named Tommy outside the window of an accounts class at junior college. i was 16. it felt horrible, like a washing machine. there were his friends looking out the window, shouting things like "Go on! suck her dry!" and "How do her tonsils taste?"
25. First love: it was a boy in 6th form...his name was maurice. now i cant for the life of me think about what i saw in him. he was different back then. i was different back then...
26. First best friend(s): a v nice girl named Jenna bk in canada. i wonder what ever happened to her.
28. First Sport: Gymnastics...and i was pretty darn good too.
29. First pet: A whisky the golden labradour. he was cute, but lord was he stupid!
30. First vacation: Malta. got very burnt at the beach.
31. First Concert: Local band.shostackovich's nightmare at labrynth in may 2000.
.
___ Favorites___

33. Movie: Big fish. or dirty pretty things. i love movies.
34. TV Show: Scrubs. Frasier. Gray's anatomy.
35 Color: Green
36. Band/Singer: Cyndi Lauper, divine comedy, belle and sebastian
37. Song: belle and sebastain's I must be dreaming
38. Food: I love food. chinese, lebanese, indian,italian,vegetables...there is v little i dont like...fish is not a favourite or organ meats bleurghies!
39. Drink: Martini bianco with lemonade
.40. Candy: aero mint. i love mint choc combinations. wispa mint is lovely too.
41. Sport To Play: i like long distance running
.43. Brand Of Clothing: MArks and Spencer, dorothy perkins, zara,bershka, miss selfrige..any shop that caters for big butts!
45. University: institute of health care! final year! woo hoo!
46. Animal:cats. My Elsa in particular.
47. Books: catcher in the rye changed my life. but there are loads of books i like.
48. Magazines: cosmopolitan
___Currently___

49. Eating:nothing.
50. Drinking: water
51. Money in pocket?: none
52. Online?: always
.53. Listening to: Jem-They. my man met her sister.
54. Thinking About:going to the gym
.55. Wanting to: finish my thesis
.56. Watching: my mobile for msges
57. Wearing: green cords and a light green t-shirt

_Your Future_

58. Want Kids?: YES...but sometimes i worry that i wont be able to afford them.
59. Want to Get Married?:eventually
60. Careers in Mind: Feasable career: stoma Nurse with a PhD. Dream:to be an actress

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

61. Light or Dark hair: doesnt make a difference
62. Light or Dark eyes: dont mind
63. Lover or Fighter? both...i need a challenge
.67. Cute or Sexy: if i like the guy, he is automatically both
68. Lips or Eyes: personality.
69. Hugs or Kisses: both
70. Short or Tall: taller than me.
71. Easygoing or serious: both. i like serious.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: romantic
73. Muscular or Skinny: cuddly like winnie the pooh
74. Sensitive or Loud:sensitive and talkative.
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship. i had a different guy for every month of the year in 2004. even when i went abroad i hooked up with someone. when i came back i decided i had enough and i got with my current bf. so far its been 1yr 3 months.
76. Sweet or Caring: he's both.

___Have You Ever___

78. Kissed a Stranger:more often than not
79. Drank Bubbles: No
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Never.i dont have either
81. Ran Away From Home:Nope...but was often tempted to.
82. Broken a Bone: a small one in my ankle when i was 12.
83. Got an X-ray: yep,that time when i was 12.
84. Broken Someones Heart: Im not sure.
85. Broke Up With Someone: yes
87. Cried When Someone Died: My Uncle in 2003. I saw my mum cry and couldnt take it.

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: definitely.
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love At First Sight: No, absolutely not.
92. Ghosts: No
93. Aliens: no
95. Heaven: yes
96. Hell: Yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: ofcourse
99. Horoscopes: they r fun to read, but i forget them as soon as i turn the page/close the window

___Answer Truthfully___
100. Is There Someone You Want? oh yes...my man.

And the men just get hornier!

2005-11-14T21:48:00.000+01:00

Had a morning of work at my ward. it was all good, there's a foreign exchange student with us at the moment from finland and she's very nice, a bit of a kiss-ass, but its ok because she doesn't really know any better, so she's excused.

In the four-bedded room there are four red-blooded males, sky-high levels of testosterone and three young student nurses to care for them. this is potentially a recipe for disaster, however we are trained to cope with disaster and our days are empty without it.

To sum up these patients, one is old and toothless and pervy, the other is old, bed-ridden and swears until kingdom come, one wants to talk all the time inspite of his oxygen mask and recent heart attack and the last guy is huge. and i mean HUGE. HUGE! he is seven feet tall and so fat that his flab hangs over the sides of the bed. it is a frightening site to behold. however, he's a nice dude, passes a few idiotic comments, but oh well, its to be expected.

so as we three students walk in, we are greeted with a chorus of pervy statements, many of them in maltese so the foreign student wont understand.

Fatty: oh look, charlie's angels are here! how would you all like to be MY angels!?
(Over my dead body.)

Pervy whispers loudly to Chatty: Wow, i like the one with the big bum! I'd love to get a piece of that!
(Sorry, none of it is detachable.)

Sweary: Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I'll beat you up! I'll pull all your hair out! Fuck your mamas! Fuck your dadas! Fuck your families!
(No comment.)

Apart from my patients, I also have my thesis to think about. everytime i look at it, i find stuff i can improve upon and it seems to never end. I'm already a thousand words over and by tomorrow its going to be even more. i need to conclude and begin my methodology. and i have to do it quickly! Not to mention my IV course which i have to study for and practice for aswell.

This is what final year is all about really...thesis, exams, finals...all so we could be call-girls for horny patients trying to score themselves a sponge-bath.

The world, ofcourse, is but a just place.

some christian humor

2005-11-11T19:21:00.000+01:00

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY, VERY STUPID JOKE!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument aboutwho was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering Finally fed up, God said, THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours,and from those results, I will judge who does the better job. So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused, They . They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They didspreadsheets. They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed cross the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word knownin the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out. Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. Wait he screamed. That's not fair!He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any? God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES

i am falling apart

2005-11-11T18:27:00.000+01:00

i really can't take my mum calling me fat anymore. i cant take it. it drives me nuts and makes me feel sick and ugly.

the thing is, im not fat. im a size 12-14 (uk sizes). ok, im not miss skinny but im not the obese monster my mum makes me out to be. it makes me so depressed. she makes me hate myself and want to kill myself.

i dont deserve to feel this way. its like she is always trying to compete with me. she is so sick in the head...she competes with me for grades cuz she's doing a university course, she competes with my looks, she is loads fatter than me and tries to wear my clothes and stretches them.

when i look in the mirror i see this big, fat pig. i cant take it anymore. i feel like i could do myself in.

i dont know what to say anymore. but this has to stop.

The nurse is reunited

2005-11-10T12:18:00.000+01:00

When I am not nursing, i try to amuse myself in other ways, whether consisting of meeting up with my good friends or with my man its all entertaining, its all good. however, lately i had a class reunion and at first i didn't want to go, but then thought what the heck and i decided to show my face.

In all honesty, it was so weird. as i walked into the presence of all those girls, the ones i spent my adolescence with i felt all my old insecurities bombard me and gang up on me, all screaming at me "YOU DONT BELONG HERE!" "NERD!" "DORK!" "SHE'S DIFFERENT!" "ALIEN!" I had to take a deep breath, saying to myself "you are not that person anymore, so buck up, put your shoulders back and walk in with confidence."

As I stepped into the restauraunt, i couldnt believe my eyes. everybody sat in the exact same cliques they had 6yrs ago, even though alot of them hadnt even kept in touch. then i felt really weird and out of place. i never really and truly had a clique...just some decent friends who were all a little psychologically imbalanced or just plain weird or above it all, like me. misfits really, but nice, caring and intelligent people who didnt really fit in, people who nobody really wanted to get to know. and i can understand why.

they were all afraid that by acknowledging our presence they would realise that underneath all the bravado, all the effort to fit in and all the effort to maintain a certain amount of coolness and nonchalance, they were JUST LIKE US. and that frightened everybody. we were the skinny ones, the underdeveloped ones, the ones with acne, bushy hair, we were quiet, unnoticed, the world would be the same whether we were dead or alive. but that was when the world simply consisted of school and its four walls. however, we are now all making our mark in society, as educators, defenders and healers.

i eventually sat down, had a decent meal and discussed events which happened in the past, when we still wore the yellow and white striped uniform and lived for the week-end, only to discuss it in detail on monday morning. i laughed and even felt a little nostalgic. they got drunk and sang the school song at the top of their lungs and took photos.

as i said my good-byes and walked away, i said to myself "this simply isnt my scene anymore. what went on in those four walls should remain locked up forever.

and this title that i cherish,
i shall keep from stain and blemish.
malta's children shall endure.

i have endured.

I am so,so tired

2005-11-01T20:21:00.000+01:00

I am so very tired. all the time. my muscles ache and the tension is building in my body and giving me nausea.

i'm so tired of stupid people, of ignorant asses who think they know everything and refuse to learn. because they know it all already.

they make me so angry!

Not again!

2005-10-27T21:47:00.000+02:00

Well, on tuesday i was sent to bathe this old man who i had really got quite used to. he could not move, walk, talk or eat. he was basically a dead person with a pulse. i was constantly waving flies off him because they would settle on his face. he had a bed sore that reached the bone and i was able to see his nerves. he would never eat but always have copious amounts of diarrhoea. as i was cleaning him, i told my colleague "this dude would be better off dead."

and that night he died.

jesus, this is getting spooky. this has happened to me before but i dont think i can ever really not be a bit weirded-out by the whole affair. for me this is scary shit. i know its not my fault he died. and he was 94...

there is a patient on my ward who simulates idiocy and incapability so he can get the nurses to bed bathe him. when my friend forced this guy to wash himself, when he got to his belly-button he started to giggle in anticipation of being able to progress further down his anatomy. eugh.

well, apart from that my day was relatively normal.

Daydream believer

2005-10-25T22:46:00.000+02:00

Because I wish to believe in Daydreams.

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six o'clock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin' razor's cold and it stings.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times start and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

tired but content

2005-10-25T20:16:00.000+02:00

i had a full day of nursing and lectures today and i am dead. at least it was a very decent day, the amount of shit was minimal and the doctors were too busy arguing amongst themselves to bug me.

for me, that is a very, very decent day. hurrah!

im making bavette with sun dried tomato pesto, should be good. im hungry. and tomorrow i get to wake up late because i dont have clinical practice. Yes, yes.
im smiling. its a tired smile, but nevertheless, a smile.

my lord and my god!

2005-10-25T19:44:00.000+02:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!

i did a test on what religion i would be most suited for and look!!! i am the most devout catholic i know! i bet my man is laughing his head off at this while reading it!

Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, (too fucking late!) do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan.(really?! I suppose being a satanist means believing in Santa!) Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.

Satanism
83%
Christianity
67%
Islam
63%
Judaism
54%
Paganism
54%
Buddhism
46%
agnosticism
46%
atheism
29%
Hinduism
25%

ok, now i can say i am horribly confused! which am i?

the minstrel

2005-10-24T22:13:00.000+02:00

You are the Minstrel, the artistic and introspective personalitys in fantasy. Minstrels can range from court bards to wandering performers willing to play their instruments or sing in any inn they come upon just to earn some money. Minstrels are very creative and are naturally artistic. They are often deep, quiet, and philosophical. Their thoughts and ideas can be very profound. Minstrels usually have a way with words or music. These artists see the beauty around us or delve within themselves and produce something new that is truly wonderful.Color: AzureAnimal: HorseGem: SapphireSymbol: Harp

live journal

2005-10-24T22:00:00.000+02:00

ok, for all you live journal users out there, i have decided to start up a live journal account...the content will be exactly the same as this one, but i thought id become more versatile!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/nurse_pica/

sigh. i am a very big nerd.

a little change can do you good

2005-10-24T21:29:00.000+02:00

i have decided to chang my profile pic.
before, it was that nauseatingly cute care bear on the right:

Now its a nauseatingly cute little nurse! I proudly present to all of you, Nurse Joy! Woo Hoo!

A dream that turned into a nightmare

2005-10-23T16:29:00.000+02:00

So about 2 nights ago I had a strange dream...I don't remember the exact details, but the fundamental parts are pretty clear.

I was a famous actress about to go to a prestigious award show and I was at the pre-party with my family and my husband who happened to be Brad Pitt with bleached blonde hair. I looked exactly like scarlet johansson except with brown hair.

All of a sudden, this guy emerges from the crowd pointing a gun at my face and my dad said "If you kill her, you have to kill me first!" The guy just pushed him out of his way and shot me to death.

What an awfully weird dream. Any explanations of what it could possibly mean out there?

Reminds me of my man...

2005-10-22T16:20:00.000+02:00

theres this god awful song i know, but there are some lyrics which are so sweet and touching that it makes me think of my man:

We never sleep,
we're always holding hands
Kissing for hours, talking and making plans
I feel like a better man,
just being in the same room
We never sleep,
there's just so much to do
So much to say, can't close my eyes
When I'm with you
Insatiable
The way I'm loving you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you
Insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you
Insatiable